Wednesday One-Liners Won’t Remember This Tomorrow

Loud, shit-faced Asian girl to strangers: You want some of this? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. [falls forward, taps stranger on forehead.] herro! Anybody home?! [laughs hysterically].

–Metro North

Drunk chick: Fuck technology, first it kills the bees, now it’s killing my ovaries!

–A Train

Drunk guy: Last night I shit on my balls!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunk girl to drunk boyfriend: Well, you fingered me in the cab!

–A Train

Drunk preppy businessman: Just tell her to put the oil in the noodles and rub it all over the chest…

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: voluptuousgrl

Drunk girl in the bathroom, picking up plastic bag from the garbage: Whose baby is this?!?!

–Madison Square Garden Bathroom

Posted on December 2, 2019
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Babies, Balls, Cars and Driving, Drunks, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, Madison Square Garden, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Poop, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Stall Spies, Street, Suits, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude

Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!

–26th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: your mom

Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.

–D Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!

–Broadway

Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!

–Junior High School

Overheard by: gabygrillz

Posted on October 26, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Bosses, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Fitness, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penis, Poop, Preppies, Private Parts, Promiscuity, S&M, School and studying, Street, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Why Pillbox Hats Are Making a Comeback

Preppy girl: I wonder why celebrities do so many drugs.
Queen: Honey, you can only buy so much couture.

–F Train

Posted on July 23, 2019
About Celebrities, Default, Drag queens, Drugs, Fashion, Girls, On the Subway, Preppies, Shopping

That's the Nicest Thing Anyone's Ever Said to Me!

Thin preppy girl to heavier stranger: Oh my god! I love your shoes.
Heavier stranger, looking her over: Girl, I wish I could give you a compliment, but you just look hungry.

–95th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Adriana

Posted on July 19, 2019
Comebacks, Compliments, Physical appearance, Preppies, Shoes, Strangers, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

The Ignorance of Some Wednesday One-liners

Preppy guy on cell: Where are you?…Malcolm X Boulevard & what?…Jesus. Find someone who looks nice and ask how to get to the 6 train…no, not a white person a nice person…well, a nice white person would be ideal…okay, call me back.

–86th & Lex

Posted on March 29, 2019
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Preppies, Public Transportation, Race

None of Them Would Talk to Me

Preppy guy #1: How was that bar in Midtown?
Preppy guy #2: Dude, it was awesome… It was full of hot chicks.
Preppy guy #1: If it was so great, why did you text me eight times in one hour and are now standing next to me pissing at this bar?

–Restroom, Delancey Bar

Overheard by: Al

Posted on March 7, 2019
Preppies, Questions, Stall Spies

Hey, Mind If I Take Your Wallet?

Emaciated goth/punk guy: Hey, do you know where a CVS is?
Passerby suit: I don't know what that is…
Passerby preppy girl: Are you looking for a CVS?
Emaciated goth/punk guy: Yes!
Preppy girl: Well, there's a Duane Reade right there, it's like, the same thing.
Emaciated goth/punk guy, matter-of-factly: I know, it's just impossible to steal from Duane Reade.
Preppy girl: Oh.
Emaciated goth/punk guy: I'm really poor.
Preppy girl: Okay.
Emaciated goth/punk guy, cheerful: Thanks anyway!
Preppy girl, also cheerful: You're welcome!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on December 31, 2018
Goths, Money & Class, Preppies, Punks, Questions, Strangers, Suits, Thievery, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

That's Why She's Dead

Preppy gay guy: I thought she already had cancer?
Preppy fag hag, dawning realization: You're right! She did… definitely.

–Bleecker & Grove

Overheard by: jams

Posted on December 24, 2018
Cancer, Fag Hags, Preppies, Queer guys, Questions, The Village, Weirdness

We Were, and We’ve Overheard Quite Enough

Preppy guy #1: I want to go to my country house this weekend.
Preppy guy #2: I was going to ask you if you wanted to go to my beach house with me.
Preppy guy #1: …Listen to this conversation we’re having right now.

–26th & Lexington

Overheard by: raic

Posted on December 19, 2018
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Preppies, Street

I’m Thinking Psych Majors

Preppy girl #1: So my mom was like, “I’m serious, stop being a retard or I’ll send you back.”
Preppy girl #2: Really? She’d send you back?
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, for being a retard. What the fuck.
Preppy girl #2: I dunno, man. What the fuck.

–Barnard college

Overheard by: Alix Griffith-Rand

Posted on July 11, 2018
Columbia (& Barnard), Nicknames & name calling, Parents, Preppies, Stupidity

Preppies