Old Russian woman: You very strong girl!
Cashier: Thanks.
Old Russian woman: You will birth very easy!
Cashier: Than… wait, what?!

Yarmouth, Maine

Overheard by: Jade

Nurse: Okay, it’s time to push the baby out. Take a deep breath, hold it, and push! One, two, three… That was an awesome push! I want you to do the same thing with the next contraction, okay?
Baby daddy: Why are you making her do this?
Nurse: Ummm, to get the baby out.
Baby daddy: Are you kidding me? How long do you expect her to do it?
Nurse: Until the baby comes out.
Baby daddy: This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! Can’t you just pull it out or something?

Labor and Delivery unit
Bakersfield, California

Bakery clerk: It's not like my dog is going to run off and do drugs!
Confused person next in line: Um, ha ha, you never know.
Bakery clerk: Oh, we were just talking about childbirth.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Staff man: Yeah, she was freaking out. But the mouse had some babies before it passed…

Warped Tour
Columbia, Maryland

Girl on train helping her friend study: Think of a baby crawling back into the vagina and popping out again. That's the renaissance.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Sitting in front of them for an hour on the train

Planned parenthood speaker: I’m here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!

High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado