Overheard at Cornell

Dude, approaching table of people: Excuse me? Hi, I noticed you put your salad in the microwave, and I was just wondering… Why?
Asian guy: Why not?
Dude: Well, it’s just… you had two… And you didn’t put the other one in… I have to know!


Overheard by: a’da

Bingo number caller: I pick up lots of chicks, G-56. But when I don’t, I masturbate, B-8.


Overheard by: bingo player

Sorority girl #1: She’s from Missouri.
Sorority girl #2: Missouri… Is it even civilized there?


Overheard by: annoyedbutamusedtesttaker

Guy: The only reason I remember the day I got accepted to Cornell is because it’s the only time I ever walked in on my parents having sex.


Overheard by: doug

Girl leaving message on cell: … Anyway, some good news: I’m not pregnant! Yup! You should be shocked, right? Okay, talk to you later.


Overheard by: anonymous

Student #1: I think I want to go to Asia after college.
Student #2: Why?
Student #1: Because I really want to improve my Spanish, and the best way to do that is to live in the country.
Student #2: That’s a good idea.


Overheard by: paralyzedindisbelief

Drunk girl #1: I don’t know how much I liked that wine.
Drunk girl #2: Me either. It was kind of too sweet.
Drunk girl #3: Guys, I just swallowed a dime.


Overheard by: tan

Guy on cell: Oh, so you’re the one who likes horseshoe crabs!


Overheard by: patricia

Chick: I don’t like processes… and anal things.


Overheard by: twombly

Frat boy #1: Dude, if I buy anal lube can I call you ‘Baby’?
Frat boy #2: No… You’ve bought anal lubricant before, right?
Frat boy #1: Yeah.
Frat boy #2: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying — we’re experienced.


Overheard by: the ear