Overheard at Cornell

Guy on cell: No way — I left my dog in the car. I don’t perform in front of animals!


Overheard by: sara

Chick on cell: You’re gonna go rubbin’ your balls all over other girls and I can’t even…?


Overheard by: lichka

Frat boy: We are Ivy League educated men — we can figure out how to turn a bed sheet into a toga.


Overheard by: maria

Grad student #1: Yeah, it is really hard. They have to wait and see how much, like, brain matter they share.
Grad student #2: What does the one twin do while the other twin has sex?
Grad student #1: I think he just lays there and is really uncomfortable.
Grad student #2: Awkward.


Overheard by: llouie

Boyfriend: Do you still have my keys?
Girlfriend: Yeah, I stopped by your house to bring them back, but I couldn’t get in.
Boyfriend: What do you mean you couldn’t get in?
Girlfriend: Well, you weren’t home, and no one else answered the door.
Boyfriend: … You had my keys!


Overheard by: kgm

Guy on cell: I’m drunk as fuck right now… Yeah, I went out after my chem test, and they had strippers! Got a lap dance… She was bangin’. You wanna know the best part, dude? I’m doing homework, haha!… Yeah, it’s due tomorrow.


Overheard by: zui

Dude on cell: No, I really don’t want to put your balls in my mouth, thank you very much.


Overheard by: laura

Girl: I like wearing this hat because it makes me look like a cancer patient.


Overheard by: wb

Drunk frat boy: I don’t care that she was three hundred pounds, she still had a phenomenal rack!


Overheard by: hearing aid

Sorostitute yelling at friend: I can see the marks on your butt from over here!


Overheard by: yix