College applicant: I want to learn how to shoot a gun.
Admissions rep: Okay, well, we don’t do that here — it’s a Criminal Justice college degree.
College applicant: But they told me I need to learn to shoot a gun.
Admissions rep: Who’s they?
College applicant: The aliens. You know, them.
Admissions rep: I see. Well, maybe you should go to the CIA.

–30th Pl & Thomson Ave, Long Island City