Wednesday One-Liners Hear the Call of Cthulhu

Hobo to teen girl with red hands: Wow, your hands are so red. You must have a condition. Yeah, that’s what it must be, a condition. You know, I have a condition, too. I’m a werewolf.

–4 train

Girl: Jewish lesbians? Are you kidding me? They don’t exist. That’s like vampire cowboys.

–16th St & Park Ave South

Overheard by: C-Star

30-ish alternaguy: No, man, he was like a mer-wolf… You know, like a mermaid and a werewolf in one.

–Spring & Lafayette

Hot blonde: But we really are just male elves with long hair and boobs!

–140th & Broadway

Overheard by: Three-Headed Monster

Dude on cell: Yeah and then she started whinnying in excitement right on top of me, like a fucking unicorn or some shit… Yeah, I guess it was pretty hot.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Shane

Small, excited Mexican child: Is it zombies? I know — it’s the Grim Reaper!

–D train, 36th St atation

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on October 19, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Illness, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies.

–Manhattan Theatre Source

Overheard by: Emily B.

Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard.

–Dorm, Pratt Institute

College student: Ghosts? They're like VT!

–186th St & Amsterdam

Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: emily d.

Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway!

–Union Square Subway Entrance

Overheard by: Masked Avenger

Posted on May 19, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Disney, Girls, Guys, Insults, Magic, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Theater, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Tomorrow I’m Migrating Back to Brazil

Bouncer: Weren’t you here on Saturday night?
Girl: No, I was a caterpillar on Saturday.

–Steinway, 31st Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Lefty

Posted on April 13, 2016
Bouncers, Girls, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

You'll Understand When You Have Wednesday One-Liners

Frazzled mother to young child: Hurry. Hurry. Look, the monster is going to get you if you don't walk faster!

–Queens Mall

Mother to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chicken, I'll give you a raisin.

–College Point Shopping Center

Overheard by: Yesenia

Mom speaking to son: Sweetie, do I look like a eggbeater?

–Waterside Plaza

Woman on bus to child with large hearing aid: Sit down properly! Are you listening to me?

–M23 Bus

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Mother to whiny toddler: I can't listen to you anymore! I fear for both of us.

–15th St & University Place

Overheard by: Sarah M.

Posted on November 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Fears, Food, Fruit, Handicaps, Kids, Malls, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Queens, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners

It’s the Werewolves that Are the Issue Here

Weird guy: You’re talking about in a movie, right?
Homeless guy: No, I’m talking about real life. But just because there are real vampires, and just because it is my job to kill them… That doesn’t mean shit.

–51st & Park Ave

Posted on October 9, 2015
Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like to Thank the Academy

Sassy eight-year-old to mother: You don't know Spanish except what you learned from Selena.

–2 Train

Chick on cell: Watching 27 Dresses in a cheetah robe…

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Virginia

Little boy, as his mother asks for directions: Great, we're lost in New York City. It's like Home Alone!

–Across from Spamalot Theatre

Fag to hag: Don't you remember that time on Titanic when Leonardo DiCaprio told you not to just talk about it, but do it? He was gonna teach you how to spit like a man and ride a horse like a man, and then the ship sank and he died. This is your moment. Spit, woman, spit!

–Natural History Museum

(at a screening of The Shining)
Woman: Haha! How can a ghost open a door? This movie sucks!

–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park

Thug to another: And she said she wanna go to the movies. And I said I don't wanna go to the movies, I want some pussy!

–57th & 9th

Overheard by: JPM

Panhandler on train: Please, I can't afford the rent at the YMCA because they just raised it. So if anyone has some money or some food or something to drink, it would really help me out. Jesus loves people who help poor people. Also, don't forget to see the new summer blockbuster Hellboy II. It's really great.

–F Train

Overheard by: JB

Posted on September 28, 2015
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Death, Gender issues, Girls, Homeless, Jews, Kids, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Movies, Museum of Natural History, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Thugs, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wishes & desires, Women

The Gay Ones Are Hombies

Teenage boy: I wanna see Zombieland soon. It's supposed to be really funny.
Hobo: You should just hang out here late at night! The place is full of zombies!

–Times Square

Posted on August 10, 2015
Hobos, Movies, Teens, Times Square, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Black Magic Is My Anti-Drug

Guy: What did you do all day?
Girl: Just drinking chicken blood and performing other secret rituals.
Guy: Nice. [They make out on street corner.]

–Houston & Ave C

Posted on August 5, 2015
Couples, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Sex & Relationships, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Explain Nicole Richie's Baby Then, Smartypants

Girl #1: Wait, so vampires can get mortals pregnant?
Boy: Mmm-hmm.
Girl #2: Yep. Vampires can get mortals pregnant, but mortals can't get vampires pregnant, because vampires just can't get pregnant at all.

–TKTS Booth, Times Square

Overheard by: Clueless Bystander

Posted on July 21, 2015
Boys, Girls, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Theater, Times Square, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness

Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!