Weird guy: You’re talking about in a movie, right?
Homeless guy: No, I’m talking about real life. But just because there are real vampires, and just because it is my job to kill them… That doesn’t mean shit.
–51st & Park Ave
Weird guy: You’re talking about in a movie, right?
Homeless guy: No, I’m talking about real life. But just because there are real vampires, and just because it is my job to kill them… That doesn’t mean shit.
–51st & Park Ave
Sassy eight-year-old to mother: You don't know Spanish except what you learned from Selena.
–2 Train
Chick on cell: Watching 27 Dresses in a cheetah robe…
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Virginia
Little boy, as his mother asks for directions: Great, we're lost in New York City. It's like Home Alone!
–Across from Spamalot Theatre
Fag to hag: Don't you remember that time on Titanic when Leonardo DiCaprio told you not to just talk about it, but do it? He was gonna teach you how to spit like a man and ride a horse like a man, and then the ship sank and he died. This is your moment. Spit, woman, spit!
–Natural History Museum
(at a screening of The Shining)
Woman: Haha! How can a ghost open a door? This movie sucks!
–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park
Thug to another: And she said she wanna go to the movies. And I said I don't wanna go to the movies, I want some pussy!
–57th & 9th
Overheard by: JPM
Panhandler on train: Please, I can't afford the rent at the YMCA because they just raised it. So if anyone has some money or some food or something to drink, it would really help me out. Jesus loves people who help poor people. Also, don't forget to see the new summer blockbuster Hellboy II. It's really great.
–F Train
Overheard by: JB
Teenage boy: I wanna see Zombieland soon. It's supposed to be really funny.
Hobo: You should just hang out here late at night! The place is full of zombies!
–Times Square
Guy: What did you do all day?
Girl: Just drinking chicken blood and performing other secret rituals.
Guy: Nice. [They make out on street corner.]
–Houston & Ave C
Girl #1: Wait, so vampires can get mortals pregnant?
Boy: Mmm-hmm.
Girl #2: Yep. Vampires can get mortals pregnant, but mortals can't get vampires pregnant, because vampires just can't get pregnant at all.
–TKTS Booth, Times Square
Overheard by: Clueless Bystander
Guy #1: I don’t even know what a crack pipe looks like!
Guy #2: It looks like a leprechaun flute.
–Michael’s Restaurant, Astoria
Overheard by: Jatmos
Editor to sales conference: … And we think this book will do rather well.
Sales rep: One thing — what’s a succubus?
Editor: A succubus is a sex demon. I’m sorry. I should have made that clear.
–Office, 55th & Broadway
Blond lady who lunches #1: What the fuck is it with the kids these days and their fucking vampires?
Blond lady who lunches #2: Fucking Twilight.
–Madison Avenue
Overheard by: LES girl trying not to laugh
Guy #1: You the Grinch, nigga!
Guy #2: I'm the Grinch? How?
Guy #1: I dunno. You just the Grinch.
Guy #2: You're the Grinch, you little fuck!
Guy #1: I can't be the Grinch. I have Christmas spirit.
–F Train
Chick #1: Fucking aliens, man!
Chick #2: I know. They’re in power.
Chick #1: I started to watch X-Files the movie last night. Fucked up shit, dude.
Chick #2: I couldn’t watch it after a while.
Chick #1: Fucking government. They are so involved. They know. They know what the fuck is going on.
Chick #2: Oh, I know this. People need to understand — they want us dead. I should not get started on this. Yo, war of the worlds — so fucking true.
Chick #1: The aliens are going to fucking come from under ground, and they are just going to tear shit apart!
Chick #2: Stop… We have to sleep soon, and this kind of talk will not help our dreams.
Chick #1: If I’m going to go, I hope it’s quick. I don’t think I could handle living on a ship and being tortured.
Chick #2: You’re right. You are right.
Chick #1: But, yo–
Chick #2: –This is some serious shit! I have been saying this for a long time!
Chick #1: Fuck. Bring the dinosaurs back instead!
Chick #2: You are out of control.
Chick #1: No, no, no. I would rather have T-rex roaming the streets than some lanky, big-eyed motherfucker that can blow you up with its mind!
Chick #2: Okay, you have a point.
Chick #1: See?!
–L train
Overheard by: stephers
