Old man: Yeah, so the doctor told me to put mayonnaise on my head and cucumbers on my eyes. There’s just so much you have to do. I was like, “What is this, a fruit salad?”
Woman: That’s not a fruit salad, that’s a Caesar salad.
Old man: Right, a Caesar salad. Anyway, about that truck.
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Hipster guy: If I take off my pants and there’s blood on my cock, it’ll totally be your fault.
–13th & B
Overheard by: WillieBee
NYU chick: What are these stupid, weird underpants you put on me?
West Indian nurse lady: They’re called diapers. You lost control of yourself when you passed out.
–Beth Israel Emergency Room, 1st Avenue
