Wednesday One-Liners Are Pretty Sharp

Conductor: Stand clear of the doors. You are delaying service. (pause, then impatiently) Stand clear of the doors! You are delaying service! (pause) I will come back there and stab you if you do not get out of the doorway.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Special K

Loud girl: I will stab someone just to prove a point.

–E 187th

Overheard by: Martian

Woman on cell walking little boy: I told you he was an asshole last weekend. (pause) Why did you expect any different? (pause) You ain't gonna stab no nigga. I'm gonna call you "Captain Stab 'em." (laughs) You always saying you gonna stab somebody!

–Manhattan Bridge

Overheard by: Lacy

20-something man: I know…I just couldn't pull out my sword fast enough.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Richard

Actor: Yeah, it's a great part! I play a father who stabs his son…

–M23 Bus

Young suit: Wouldn't it be awesome if, like, right across the street from my apartment we could buy fireworks? …and swords!

–81st & Broadway