Hot ethnic chick: I’m thinking about going to IKEA this weekend. Wanna come?
Curly-haired designer type: You know, I’m gonna pass. I’m just too old for particle board.
–Mule Coffee, 5th Ave, Park Slope
Hot ethnic chick: I’m thinking about going to IKEA this weekend. Wanna come?
Curly-haired designer type: You know, I’m gonna pass. I’m just too old for particle board.
–Mule Coffee, 5th Ave, Park Slope
Dude: Look, I don’t get it! Why doesn’t she take my opinion seriously?!
Chick: Because she’s a graphic designer and you’re an anthropologist.
Dude: I am not an anthropologist! God!
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Abram
Columbia girl #1: His parents invited me out to Greenwich this weekend, so I took time off from my internship and was all ready to go…
Columbia girl #2: You’re not going to go?
Columbia girl #1: Well, no. You know that rash I had on my right boob? It’s back.
Columbia girl #2: No way!
Columbia girl #1: Seriously. You’re not getting that thing near a bikini with my future mother-in-law anywhere nearby. She sniffs stuff like that out in no time. Like a bloodhound.
–E 74th St & Park
Dude #1: Yeah, he tans all the time by the track. He uses, like, a quarter of a bottle of tanning oil.
Dude #2: Well, there’s a lot of skin cancer.
Chick: I think skin cancer is overrated. Not to be disrespectful, but is it even legitimate?
–Jamaica-bound Q30 bus
Overheard by: Liza
Girl looking at ad for Flight of the Conchords: I have family in New Zealand.
Boy: What the fuck is wrong with your family? They’re, like, all over the place.
Girl: Well, they’re rich.
Boy: But you’re not. [Pause, then] We should kill them.
–B train, Church Ave
Overheard by: Kris N.
Chick: James Brown died.
Dude: No, he didn’t!
Chick: Yeah, he did!
Dude: But… He’s right there! [Points at TV.]Chick: Yeah. That’s cool, isn’t it?
Dude: What were we talking about before this shit?
Chick: Cutting off your cheek.
Dude: Right.
–McDonald’s
Girl: Oh my god, I love bridges. They are so useful!
Boy: Oh, don’t even get me started on bridges…
–Coney Island
Dude: … And I stabbed her with a pencil. That’s when she turned into a vampire!
Friend: Are you serious?
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Stef
Headline by: Arlene
Runners-Up:
· “Night Of the Living Spongebob” – Lalaith
· “Anne Rice Has Officially Run Out Of Ideas” – Jeff
· “It Might Be Time to Retire, Stephen King.” – space coyote
· “Sure I Am. Now Finish Your Paint Chips.” – Craig should be working
· “Tom Cruise Explains Scientology” – Meg
· “Undead Serious” – t.a.m.s.y.
Dude #1: Do anything this weekend?
Dude #2: Yeah, went to my cousin’s wedding.
Dude #1: Open bar?
Dude #2: Yeah, but I don’t drink, ’cause I’m an alcoholic, so I only had a couple vodka tonics.
–Jacob Javits Convention Center
30-ish lady: So, Laura isn’t really comfortable with her body, and let me tell you — she shouldn’t be! I mean, I’ve never been small, but she is just sloppy chubby, you know?
30-ish friend: Ouch! But yeah, I see what you mean.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
