Toothless lady to fat friend: I gotta go to Jersey ’cause my sister shitted out another kid.
Fat friend: Damn.
–Union & Metropolitan, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Toothless lady to fat friend: I gotta go to Jersey ’cause my sister shitted out another kid.
Fat friend: Damn.
–Union & Metropolitan, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Middle-aged lady: Look at that girl! Drunk and it’s not even four PM!
Friend: She’s not drunk, it’s just her shoes!
Middle-aged lady: But… Who would wear high heels and be sober?
–1st & 1st
Overheard by: eliza… the one with the heels
Headline by: Lalaith
Runners-Up:
· “British Comedians in Drag?” – Barry P.
· “I’ll Take Old Trades for $100, Alex” – Martin de Bruin
· “She’s Also Not a She. Not Originally Anyway.” – eric bostrom
· “The Same People Who Wear Crocs While Not Stoned Out Of Their Minds” – Cecilia
· “With Ann Coulter, You Can Never Be Sure.” – Jon T
Girl: Are you freaking kidding? We’ll get arrested!
British boy: No one gets mad at people with accents.
Girl: I don’t have an accent, in case you hadn’t noticed.
German boy in wheelchair: They can’t get mad at me! I’m foreign! And I can’t walk!
–Central Park
Young woman: I drink a tea for that.
Middle-aged yenta: Does it make you poop? I should drink some of that.
Young woman: You couldn’t handle it.
Middle-aged yenta: Is it that bad?
Young woman: No, you just don’t know when to expect it. It could come at any time.
–86th & Lex
Overheard by: Heather
Guy: They have biodegradable scrubbies.
Chick: Mmm-hmmm, yeah.
Guy: What the hell does that mean?
–The Fairway, Red Hook
Overheard by: Kyle
Thug #1: We don’t even go to the movies or nothin’. She just comes over to smash it and then she leaves. She knows, too. She just comes over for some pipin’.
Thug #2: That’s where it’s at.
Thug #1: She got a 10-year-old li’l nigga, too. She knows not to ask for somethin’ serious. That li’l nigga in fifth grade! That nigga on MySpace!
–Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Rhymes With Lasagna
Headline by: ja
Runners-Up:
· “…And “To Catch A Predator”” – Stuck in the MidWest
· “He Comes Over for Some Pipin’ Too.” – Courtney
· “I Just Have to Wait for Her to Be in Eigth.” – Snark Sloper
· “That Li’l Nigga Gots Roast Beef and This Li’l Nigga Gots None.” – johnnyb
· “The Nucular Family” – Bill
· “The Waltons, 2007” – G’night, John Boy
Girl: I would so date Danny Zucco. I mean, the character.
Boy: But he was a dick. I mean, a sweet dick in the end, but still a dick.
Girl: Well, I like sweet dicks… Oh, god.
–17th & 5th
Overheard by: widdershawns
Guy #1: Why you spoiling a girl who ain’t putting out?
Guy #2: I’m bored.
Guy #1: Read a book, dumbass!
–A train
Overheard by: brian
Chick #1: Oh my god, what happened?
Dude #1: That taxi just crashed into the building.
Dude #2: Yeah, it was just like in Lethal Weapon 4.
Chick #2: Wow, that’s crazy.
Dude #2: There’s no better way to pick up chicks than at the scene of an accident!
–57th & 7th
Hot ethnic chick: I’m thinking about going to IKEA this weekend. Wanna come?
Curly-haired designer type: You know, I’m gonna pass. I’m just too old for particle board.
–Mule Coffee, 5th Ave, Park Slope
