Friends

Man: … And this made you think you were narcoleptic?
Woman: Yeah, but it turns out I’m just pregnant.

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: George Bush

White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I'm in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don't love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!

–49th & 11th

Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine's Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says "I love you" like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother-in-law's face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!

–Metro North Train

Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell-o.

–St. John's University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn't fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

–Jackson Heights

Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I'm in love, she's like the whole package! She's pretty, she's fuckable, and she can cook!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tim

Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!

–Riverside Church

Overheard by: Stephanie

Girl: … And then she put it in front of me, and I was like, ‘Hello! I hate cottage cheese!’
Queer friend: Oh my god. Cottage cheese is albino diarrhea!

–90th & Broadway

Guy on cell: What does you caring about me have to do with me at some club with "hypothetical" naked chicks?

–42nd & Lexington

Guy yelling across street to girl on phone: Tell her I waited naked on the bed all night but she never came!

–Washington Square

Suit to another: It's so weird because there are so many people at the office who you'd never think to picture naked… Like Marcy: you'd never picture her naked. Alex: you'd never picture him naked. Derek: I've never pictured him naked.

–F Train

Overheard by: EmLo

Guy, to two women: I was like, "You're lying on top of me. We're naked. When does this get fun?"

–Philosophy Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

(girl is wearing small, tight, mini-skirt and talking to a group of boys)
Girl: If it was up to me, I wouldn't be wearing any clothes, if it weren't for gravity.

–Sybil's, Liberty Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Terrence

20-something girl to friend: So I chased after him, but I was naked…so how far could I go?

–Brooklyn Promanade

Black guy: Yo, I can't believe I turn 30 tomorrow.
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
Black guy: Like, I've got a family and a career! What the fuck is that all about?! What happened to my wrestling dream?!
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.

–J Train

Jock #1: Don’t you dare tell me that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. I’ll kick your ass.
Jock #2: Shut up, you know he doesn’t exist.
Jock #1: Then who the hell puts the presents under the tree?!
Jock #2: Your mom does!
Jock #3: I’d totally do your mom. No lie.
Jock #2: Me, too.
Jock #1: Santa exists, dammit!

–Midtown Direct train

Overheard by: Believes

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?

–Bedford Ave & 8th

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn't curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.

–Pizzeria, 77th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Henry Pena

Posh-looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

White hip-hopper on cell: Yeah, she's so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Overheard by: Terry

Young girl to friend, after cutting in front of her: Ladies first!
Friend: You ain't no lady, you stupid fucking bitch!
Young girl: See, point proven!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: rick

Woman: So, what did he look like?
Man: Like… a Portuguese chipmunk.
Woman: What the hell does that look like?
Man: Picture a Portuguese man and a chipmunk and combine them. That’s what he looked like.
Woman, after thinking: Oh! Okay. That’s really weird that the he would want Anne* — she’s so tall.

–Grand Central

Girl: Oh my God, you guys. I still have my Friday panties on.
Guy: You’d better hurry up and get home; there are only two hours before it’s Sunday.

–Union Square Regal Cinemas