Friends

Chick #1: I still haven’t make him come! It’s become, like, the major quest of my life.
Chick #2: So, basically, you’re Captain Ahab and he’s your Moby Dick?
Chick #1: Do you spend your spare time sitting around and thinking up these retorts?
Chick #2: I lead an empty life.

–Dallas BBQ, 8th & University

Overheard by: Djlindee

Man #1: Yo, tell him about it!
Man #2: OK, so I got two hookers tonight, but if you want we can get more.
Man #3: That’s all right man, sharing is caring.

–NA, 14th Street

Overheard by: Katerina Leznik

Middle-aged woman #1: Yeah, my cleaning woman is the greatest! Last time, she color-matched and coordinated all of my lipsticks and arranged them in a row for me!
Middle-aged woman #2: Oh my god! I’d swoon!

–Midtown elevator

Before a movie, a man gets up and jumps off a balcony. His friend remains seated.

Fellow movie patron: Did he just die?
Friend: Nah, nah it’s cool. He’s a French wall-jumper.

–Union Square Regal Cinemas

Guy #1: What are you drinking?
Guy #2: Dos Equis. With a lime.
Guy #1: All Mexican beers come with limes.
Guy #2: Dude, all Mexicans come with limes.

–Croxley Ales, Avenue B

Guy #1: Did you watch your Pee Wee’s Playhouse last night?
Guy #2: It didn’t come!

–27th Street office

Cheryl: I can’t believe he called me a bitch in a meeting with all of those people! I didn’t know what to do!
Bitch: Cheryl, being called a bitch isn’t an insult; it’s applause. It means he didn’t have anything really bad to say.

–23rd Street F station

Girl #1: So you have a hot gyno?
Girl #2: No, he’s just my regular doctor.
Girl #1: Oh.
Girl #2: Yeah.

–Art Bar, 8th Avenue

Guy #1: Hit him in the fucking head.
Guy #2: Fuck him in the head.
Guy #1: Yo, that’s mad homoerotic, son.

–St. Mark’s Ale House, St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Eric

Teen #1: Damn, kid! Your face mad hairy!
Teen #2: I’m a grown-ass man, dog.

–A train