Park Slope

So You’re Saying You Won’t Give Me a Blowjob?

Man: So, you think I can’t understand because I don’t have a vagina?
Lesbo: Don’t sit like that!
Man: What do you mean?
Lesbo: You’re crossing your legs so condescendingly!

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Overheard by: Lemma

Headline by: Manbo

Runners-Up:
· “Almost Enough to Make Up for You Lack Of Vagina” – John Gray
· “I’m Just Jealous Because Mine Are Too Fat to Cross That Perfectly” – shenanigans
· “I’m Just Protecting My Tool Of Oppression.” – robs
· “Well You’re Waving Your Vagina Condescendingly” – burnt toast
· “Worst Yoga Class Ever” – benji
· “Yeah, Well Tell Your Nipples to Quit Pointing at Me” – pw

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

What’s an “Escort”?

Five-year-old: I want a sticker.
Woman: No, I don’t have any stickers. I have business cards. Here. You can have one [hands him one].

–Park Slope

Overheard by: leah

Plus, Bosco Here Is Too Cool to Run

Mom holding dog’s leash: Matthew, when you throw a stick, I’m the one who has to run.
Six-year-old son, cheerfully: Okay!

–10th & 8th, Park Slope

Overheard by: EM

I Know a Couple Kids Getting a Razor-Blade Twix This Halloween

Hobo: Hey, kids, read a book, stay in school, and don’t do drugs!
Woman: Come on, kids, don’t talk to strange, crazy people. What did I tell you about that?! [To hobo, who looks insulted] It’s nothing personal — I just don’t want them to, like, get kidnapped or something, you know?
Hobo: Oh… Oh, um, yeah, I understand… [When woman’s out of earshot] Bitch.

–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N

We Could Look for a Rocking Chair?

Hot ethnic chick: I’m thinking about going to IKEA this weekend. Wanna come?
Curly-haired designer type: You know, I’m gonna pass. I’m just too old for particle board.

–Mule Coffee, 5th Ave, Park Slope

It Just Happens

Hot girl #1: Oh my god! He spent the night last night?! Did you have sex?!
Hot girl #2: No, no sex.
Hot girl #1: Well, did you touch his penis?
Hot girl #2: Well, yeah… With my mouth.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Low Expectations Being the Key to Happiness

20-something girl #1: Oooh, I think I see the bus!
20-something girl #2: Yes!
20-something girl #1: Don’t get too excited. I’m not sure I see it yet.
20-something girl #2: I won’t. I mean, it’s just a bus. It’s not like it’s Santa.

–6th & 8th, Park Slope

At the Very Least, We Can Play Beer Pong on It

15-year-old kid at stoop sale: Yo, I should totally buy this.
Friend #1: It’s a door. What are you going to do with a door?
15-year-old kid: Yeah, but it’s only 20 dollars.
Friend #2: You should definitely buy it.

–Carroll St, between 6th & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: mervis

Who’s Determined Never to Go Back to Jail

Donation guy: You love animals, don’t you? [Shoves binder in woman’s face.]Tough guy, to girlfriend: I’ll knock him out if he comes at me like that.
Donation guy: You love animals, don’t you? [Shoves binder in tough guy’s face.]Tough guy: No, thank you, sir.
Girlfriend: You didn’t knock him out.
Tough guy: Yeah, I’m a pussy.

–14th & 5th, Park Slope

Overheard by: I Would Have Punched Him

My Secret: I Hide Tequila under My Traffic Cones

Middle-aged crossing guard lady #1: G’mornin’, sweetheart! You look tired!
Middle-aged crossing guard lady #2: Oh, honey, I’m so hungover…
Passing child, to parent: On a Tuesday?

–7th & 8th, Park Slope

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