Park Slope

I’m Wednesday One-Liners, and I Approve This Message

Ghetto black chick: I’m Hillary Clinton! Where my niggas at?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: arose

30-ish black woman: She can tell me what book to buy… She can recommend a good bra… But Oprah telling me who to vote for? I don’t think so!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: JoBell

Guido: I would blow Al Sharpton to be in my bed right now. I would caress Hillary Clinton’s asshole to be in my bed right now.

–F train

Overheard by: dat wint’ry mix

Hot chick: I mean, I love Bill Clinton, and I would have slept with him even last week, but he’s gone crazy!

–11th & 4th, Park Slope

Overheard by: bemused obama guy

Hobo: Hello! I am running for president! Vote for me and I’ll legalize marijuana! You can marry whoever you wanna!

–Deli, 12th & 6th

Overheard by: Nora, Bianca, and Ethan

Middle-aged white lady: Go Obama! Go Obama! I don’t know what he stands for, but I sure like to look at him!

–31st & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Scarfish

Black woman to male friend: I just find it ironic that a woman and a black man are running… And I’m going with the white guy.

–Café Mogador, East Village

Time for You to “Fall Down Some Stairs”

Dad: You ask too many questions!
Five-year-old son: What time is it?

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Aili

Headline by: Babakganoosh

Runners-Up:
· “Followed By, “Why Is the World Upsidedown? Why Is the Ground Rushing Up at Me So Fast? Where Is All My Blood Going?”” – Falling 80 stories sucks
· “If You’re Gonna Catch a Beating, You May As Well Earn It.” – Xvi
· “It’s Time To Play “Justified Child Abuse”!” – Patrick
· “Preamble to the Slaughter” – Paul Tabachneck
· “Yeah, Well, Wait ’til I Get to the Hard Ones, Like, Is It Okay to Masturbate?” – Chris

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wait ‘Til He Stumbles Upon the Human Elephantitis Gallery

Queer teen #1: Yo, when I went to Yellowstone, I took this pic of a buffalo from behind, so you can see the balls hangin’ down and everything! It’s awesome!
Queer teen #2: What? That’s the single worst thing I ever heard! You sick, man. Damn.
Queer teen #1: What the fuck are you talkin’ ’bout? It’s the best pic ever! I made it my desktop! Buffalo balls are cool!

–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N

And He Was a Big Hit

Guy picks himself and his bike up off the street while other people approach…

Latino kid: Damn, son! Did you see that?! Motherfucker just got hit!
White guy: Hit him, too, or just the bike?
Latino kid: Man, that car hit the shit outta that guy! [Answers cell phone] Yo, get down here, son. Some dude just got hit!

–17th & Prospect, Park Slope

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick

Uncle Wiggly Found His Daughter’s Attitude Hard to Understand

Dad riding bicycle with young daughter in child seat: … And I used to think about my rabbit every day!
Daughter, incredulously: Are you insane?!

–5th & 6th, Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Doc

Even If He Is the Jolly Green Giant

Chick #1: I can’t believe he left me three cans of peas. Like that is going to fix anything.
Chick #2: Were they your favorite peas?
Chick #1: I mean, I like LeSeur Peas and all, but not enough to make me forget my husband was fucking another woman.

–Park Slope

But I Want It for the Solstice!

Young boy: Mommy, can we get a Christmas tree now?
Mom: No, honey, we don’t need a tree. We celebrate Hanukkah in our home.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

At Least According to My Underwear

Drunk girl: We’re totally those 20-something assholes that are drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drunk friend: It’s Wednesday, you dumbass!
Sober friend: Um, it’s Thursday!

–14th & 5th, Park Slope

Pretty Much How Everyone Feels about Yoko

Six-year-old: She didn’t like Ringo!
Mom: Well, who was her favorite Beatle?
Six-year-old: She doesn’t even like the Beatles!
Mom: Don’t talk to her.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: a

So You’re Saying You Won’t Give Me a Blowjob?

Man: So, you think I can’t understand because I don’t have a vagina?
Lesbo: Don’t sit like that!
Man: What do you mean?
Lesbo: You’re crossing your legs so condescendingly!

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Overheard by: Lemma

Headline by: Manbo

Runners-Up:
· “Almost Enough to Make Up for You Lack Of Vagina” – John Gray
· “I’m Just Jealous Because Mine Are Too Fat to Cross That Perfectly” – shenanigans
· “I’m Just Protecting My Tool Of Oppression.” – robs
· “Well You’re Waving Your Vagina Condescendingly” – burnt toast
· “Worst Yoga Class Ever” – benji
· “Yeah, Well Tell Your Nipples to Quit Pointing at Me” – pw

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

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