Young pretty boy #1: My friend wants to be a porn star, but they told him you have to be a certain weight and cum three ounces every single time.
Young pretty boy #2: Doesn’t he want to go to college?
–H&M
Overheard by: Andrea Reese
Young pretty boy #1: My friend wants to be a porn star, but they told him you have to be a certain weight and cum three ounces every single time.
Young pretty boy #2: Doesn’t he want to go to college?
–H&M
Overheard by: Andrea Reese
Eight-year-old girl #1 while shopping for costume: Oooh! We can be a flasher! Let’s be a flasher!
Eight-year-old girl #2: Yeah! A flasher!
Mom: No, you cannot be a flasher. You can’t go to school dressed as a flasher.
Teen son: But I can!
–Costume store, 11th & 4th
Overheard by: Big E
Little girl looking at big, naked woman statue: She looks like me, but big!
Grandmother: Yes, yes she does.
Little girl looks at big, naked male statue: What’s that? It’s big.
Grandmother: Boy bits. They’re not usually that big.
–Columbus Circle Mall
Overheard by: Rama
Customer: I’d like to return this shirt. It fits me just right, but the tag says ‘Large,’ and I don’t wear a size Large.
Returns person: Okay, no problem.
–H&M, 34th & 7th
Overheard by: Andrea Reese
Cashier: Oh, is corduroy coming back into fashion?
Girl buying a pair of cord pants: Um, I don’t know.
Cashier: I don’t think it’s ever going to come back.
–TJMaxx, 6th Ave
Overheard by: champ
Lady: Yeah! And then you know what?
Guy: What?
Lady: He opened it and it was a trunk full of Ramen!
Older woman: Oh!
–Mercedes-Benz Manhattan
Overheard by: gaby
Hot chick: Ohhh, shit! They sell Choco Tacos!
Asian dude: I want to eat a Choco Taco pussy.
Hot chick: Hahaha! Me, too!
–Blockbuster, Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Incredible Hulk
Customer: I need cigarettes.
Cashier, pleasantly: How would you like to kill yourself?
Customer, expressionless: Newports.
Cashier: Here you go.
–CVS, 25th & 6th
Young hipster #1: So, there’s this really smart kid in the tenth grade, and he wrote an extra chapter to Slaughterhouse Five, and Kurt Vonnegut is going to publish it!
Young hipster #2: Nice, man.
–Academy Records
Overheard by: x-tina
Middle-aged black lady: Those are some nice pants.
Latino dude: Yeah, I’m buying it for Jack’s* wedding tomorrow.
Middle-aged black lady: Didn’t he just get out of high school?
Latino dude: Well, he’s 22 now. He’s marrying his old Health teacher. She’s 28.
Middle-aged black lady: He… He was her student?
Latino dude: Yeah! The first day of class she kicked him out because he was being an asshole. He was like, ‘Suck this dick and lick these balls, biotch!’
Middle-aged black lady: Well, I guess she took his advice.
Latino dude: Yeah. Life’s funny like that…
–JCPenny
Overheard by: Everyone else gets the cool teacher
