Little girl, holding up expensive candle: Oooh! Smell this!
Older sister: Smells like a cheap hooker.
–Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Emily B.
Little girl, holding up expensive candle: Oooh! Smell this!
Older sister: Smells like a cheap hooker.
–Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Emily B.
Cashier #1: … And then she told me she got high on ecstasy by accident last night.
Cashier #2: By accident?
Cashier #1: Yeah. She was at his house and saw a little white thing on the coffee table, and that bitch thought it was a mint.
–Todaro Bros. Grocery, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: A
Wife: Well, we need to hurry. They’re waiting downstairs.
Husband: Well, I was ready to go ages ago. I’m hot, tired, and my rash is spreading.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Becca
Vendor: Want to try a sample?
Girl: Sure. What are they?
Vendor: Vegan pineapple-upside-down cake.
Girl, taking two: I love vegans!
Vendor: No, wait — there aren’t any vegans in the cake…
–Whole Foods
Overheard by: djingo
JAP #1: So, I’m outside smoking a cig, right? And there’s this guy, like, smoking right across the street. O-M-G… He walks across the street, and, like, stands right in front of me and stares!
JAP #2: Was he cute?!
JAP #1: Ewww! His hard-on was sooo gross!
–Whole Foods, 24th & 6th
Mom: Where’s Billy?
Kid: He’s back there, asleep on the toilet paper. [Family looks back and sees Billy resting his head on stack of toilet paper rolls.] Come on, Billy. We’ve got toilet paper you can sleep on at home.
–Target
Overheard by: Scott
Guy to manager: I lost my wallet near here, and I was wondering if anyone turned it in?
Crazy lady at copy machine: Maybe you left it in some boy’s pants.
–Staples, 56th & Park
Man: The one time I bought a steak from here I left it out and it turned all brown.
Cashier: Yeah?
Man: Yeah… But then the next time I just put it in my pocket and it stayed good all day.
–D’Agastino
Overheard by: kimmy-yo
Headline by: Gaping MAW
Runners-Up:
· “Don’t Ask Where He Keeps the A-1…” – the horologist
· “Gives a Whole New Meaning to Meat-packing” – Gosia
· “He Said, As He Pulled Out His Penis.” – Allan
· “I Got a T-Bone in My Pocket with Your Name on It” – Marc Bernard
· “My Crotch Always Has a Chilling Effect” – Rhys Southan
· “Worst Pickup Artist Ever” – smittie
Sales girl: Oh, we only have wrapping paper for cashmere items.
Tourist lady buying wallets: You mean I’m going to have to wrap these myself? Like a normal person?
–Marc by Marc Jacobs
