Teacher: Ben, you got a six out of ten. That’s not great.
Ben: Mr. L*, I’m gonna tell you my life motto. It is, ‘If you push me over the edge, I will grab you by the neck and pull you down with me… And then push you into Hell.’
–Bronx Science
Teacher: Ben, you got a six out of ten. That’s not great.
Ben: Mr. L*, I’m gonna tell you my life motto. It is, ‘If you push me over the edge, I will grab you by the neck and pull you down with me… And then push you into Hell.’
–Bronx Science
Student #1: When you walk through Chinatown, they push and shove right through you!
Student #2: Yeah, but you can’t get mad at them, because they do it to each other. It’s, like, cultural. [Students look over at a woman as she gets elbowed in the face by an old Asian man when he rubs his eye.]Student #1: Cultural… Cultural…
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Health student #1: It’s a man’s obligation to stick his boneration in a women’s separation to increase the population of the younger generation. I got this information from the board of education…
Health student #2: No, it should go like this: It’s a man’s obligation to stick his cockulation into a women’s ventilation to increase the population of the younger generation of our nation. I got this information from the board of education. If you want a demonstration, lie down.
–Middle school, Manhattan
Overheard by: Nathan Red
Student: Um, sir, don’t you have to divide through by X?
Elderly math teacher: I have no idea what you just said, but I’m sure it was provocative.
–Stuyvesant High
Overly energetic theology professor: Now, let’s talk about the apocalypse!
Several un-enthused students: Yay…
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
English teacher: Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. What did he touch?
Student: His stuff…?
English teacher: Let’s not even go there.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Law gal #1: This is more pointless than giving a butt-ugly girl a nice haircut.
Law gal #2: Hey, a nice haircut helps.
Law gal #1: Have you looked at me lately?
–NYU Law Courtyard
Guy #1: Hey, where you going?
Guy #2: It’s about 3:15 — I gotta go to class.
Guy #1: This is college, not high school. You don’t have to be on time to class.
Guy #3: So, what are we gonna do?
Guy #1: It’s 3:16! I’m late for class!
–CUNY City Tech
Overheard by: Benny
Professor: What have I told you about fairness?
Student: That we should forget about it.
Professor: Yes!
–NYU Law School
Pratt girl: I didn’t know you could think with your name being ethnic and all.
Ethnic chick: Whaaa?
Future Picasso: Her name’s Jewish.
–Classon & Willoughby Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Glad I Didn’t Go To Art School
