Girl #1: Ugh! I hate her! She’s such a good little girl — always following the rules… Makes me sick.
Girl #2: I try to follow the rules. Do you hate me?
Girl #1: Nah, you do anal… I figure that balances it out.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: avgjoe
Girl #1: Ugh! I hate her! She’s such a good little girl — always following the rules… Makes me sick.
Girl #2: I try to follow the rules. Do you hate me?
Girl #1: Nah, you do anal… I figure that balances it out.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: avgjoe
Chick #1: So, what happened with you and that guy from the bar last night?
Chick #2: Oh, him? We went back to my place and had sex.
Chick #1: Oooh… How was it?!
Chick #2: Eh, it wasn’t the best. He wanted to do anal, and I was tired and drunk, so I was like, ‘Whatever…’
Chick #1: Oh my god, really? I would never do anal…
Chick #2: Eh, I thought so, too, but turns out it’s really not that bad. It’s just like shitting… only in reverse.
–LIRR
Dude: What happens if we don’t get jobs in the fall?
Chick: We bend over and fuck ourselves in the ass with our giant penises.
Dude: Really? What is anal sex gonna solve?
Chick: Anal sex solves everything!
–Queens College
Overheard by: RIes
Sorostitute #1: Remember that freshman I hooked up with? He friended me on Facebook!
Sorostitute #2: Oh, that’s coo– Wait a minute. Isn’t that a little backwards?
Sorostitute #3: Uh, yeah. Here’s how that should have gone: you meet him, he friends you on Facebook, and then you let him fuck you in the ass.
–Wagner College
Girl: So, whatever happened to Joe*? I heard he was engaged to some girl. I thought he was gay…
Guy: I don’t care what he says he is — once you lose your butt virginity, you’re gay for life.
–Manhattan-bound N train
Nerdy hipster to friends: You want nerdy? You know what I did today? I worked on this robot helmet I’m making on my floor. Yep, a robot helmet complete with LED lights — for my girlfriend. See? That’s love right there.
Girlfriend, explaining: I told him we could have butt sex.
Nerdy hipster, emphatically: But not until I finish the helmet!
–L train
Dude #1: Did you go home with that girl last night?
Dude #2: Yeah, I was up all night. She was like a fucking porn star — stuck her finger in my ass!
Dude #1: Porn star? That girl had a face fit for radio! And she told me that she was really Catholic!
Dude #2: I told her I’ve only been with two girls, and then I tried to stick it in her ass!
Dude #1: You are a real scumbag!
–36th & 3rd
Overheard by: Peter Persico
Hoochie: I tried anal sex and it just hurt too much. Then I figured out that if you just douche your ass, it doesn’t hurt at all!
Wannabe hoochie: Really?!
–Bar, Staten Island
Overheard by: yohezzy
Teacher: No butt-fuck guys, no butt-fuck.
–Hunter College High
Overheard by: citysnidget
Hot chick: … And so I was thinking, You’re thinking about my brother while you’re fucking my ass? No response necessary.
–32nd & Broadway
Cuban guy to Russian girl: All Russian girls I’ve ever met love anal sex. No, seriously, they are all into that shit — and pomegranate.
–1st Ave
Overheard by: Asmar
Jock: … And he was sodomizing a jaguar.
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: impossible
Man on cell, playfully: Who are you? Who are you? Why are you in my house? Who are you? Where’s my wife? If I come home and you’re still there, I’m going to stick a hot sausage up there… A hot sausage up there! And a hot dog up your butthole. A hot sausage up there and a hot dog on the other side, and we’ll see who gets which one first.
–President & 5th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Nick Draven
Chick: I don’t know how much further up his ass I need to be. I mean, I’m already really far up his ass already…
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Alan
Hipster girl: … And then he had his finger up my boyfriend’s asshole!
–Cargo Cafe, Staten Island
Student: If a steak comes out of your butt, I’ll worship you. Screw school — you can just win bets by betting on whether a steak will come out of your butt. Just put a towel and move it away and be, like, ‘Ta-da!’
–CCNY
Overheard by: Liz
