Drunk boyfriend: Come over here!
JAP girlfriend: Ask nicely!
Drunk boyfriend: Please, bitch, come over here!
–50th & 3rd
Overheard by: REGGIE FACE
Drunk boyfriend: Come over here!
JAP girlfriend: Ask nicely!
Drunk boyfriend: Please, bitch, come over here!
–50th & 3rd
Overheard by: REGGIE FACE
Girlfriend: There’s too many roaches in the apartment!
Boyfriend: Look, no matter where you go in New York there’s going to be a lot of roaches.
Girlfriend: Shut up! I’m from the goddamn city! I don’t want roaches crawling on me when I’m pooping!
–Maujer St, Brooklyn
Boyfriend: Yeah, we gotta get some oil.
Girlfriend: No, not oil, K-Y.
Boyfriend: Oil, K-Y — it’s the same thing.
Girlfriend: No, K-Y is a gel. It’s water-based. Oil is not.
Boyfriend: Water and oil are, like, the same thing.
–F train
Overheard by: 2WongFu
Guy: So, when did you guys get married?
Husband: March.
Wife, at same time: May.
Husband: Uh-oh.
–6 train
Boyfriend, about punk girl passersby: Man, whatever happened to fake titties and a tan?
Girlfriend, possessing neither: Hey!
Boyfriend: Oh, sorry.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: bemused eavesdropper
Teen boy: Shit, man, I can’t believe I got an F on that vocabulary test. I didn’t study, but I’m utterly devastated. See? I know the vocab!
Girlfriend: I like the word ‘utterly’ — it reminds me of cows.
Teen boy: It reminds me of boobs.
–Union Square
Overheard by: CeLia
Girlfriend: What was the name of that girl?
Boyfriend: Who?
Girlfriend: The one that was totally in love with you?
Boyfriend: Yeah, she was awesome.
Girlfriend: Who?
Boyfriend: No idea.
–Bergen & Flatbush, Brooklyn
Hobo: Ahhh.
Girlfriend: Ewww, he peed on me!
Boyfriend: And you’re wearing sandals!
–Q train
Girlfriend: Was that cocaine on your toilet seat this morning?
Boyfriend: No, that was Gold Bond.
Girlfriend: Oh… Because I put some on my teeth just to check.
–42nd St & West Side Hwy
Man: Okay, so here’s what we’re going to do: we’re going to drive to Kim’s downtown. I’m going to pull up outside and give you 20 dollars, and you’re going to go in there and pick out whatever Nazi porn movie your little heart desires.
Chick with Hebrew tattoo: Any one I want? Even SS Experiment Love Camp, or is that one too gruesome?
Man: You pick. Any one you want. Anything my sexy girl wants.
Chick with Hebrew tattoo: Awesome! Thank you!
–112th & Broadway
