Idiots

College‐Aged guy: “Imagine”?? I don’t get it. What am I supposed to imagine?
Girlfriend: Shhh, let’s go!

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: beatle

Bimbette: Yeah, me and Beyoncé is friends on MySpace. She invites me to all the hot events, like her concerts and parties. She even bulletins me.
Boyfriend: For real?
Bimbette: Yeah, we’s like best friends.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Is not friends with Beyonce :(

Girl: Damn, it’s really cold!
Guy: I know! I hate having to smoke outside in this weather.
Girl: Totally — they should let us smoke inside when it gets like this. Cold weather is bad for your health, y’know?

–29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Jah Shu Wah

Student #1: Yo, what’s in Iceland?
Student #2: Nigga, what do you think? Ice, obviously!
Student #1: Don’t that mean Iceman lives there, then?
Student #2: Good question…

–High School for Environmental Studies, W 56th St

Teen girl: Have you ever wondered why there are no, like, sexy midgets?
Friend: No, but sometimes I wonder if you are slightly retarded.
Headline by: DomCar 

Runners‐Up:
· “And somewhere, at that moment, a tiny discrimination lawsuit was being filed” — Marc
· “Awwww! Thanks! You said slightly!” — Emily
· “Being sexy isn’t necessary when your face if even with most people’s crotches” — theVixenNicole
· “Both problems are an unfortunate result of genetics.” — Aaron Stephenson
· “But, like, sexily so?” — Tom Dorey
· “By the end of the yellow brick road, the Tin Man was hungry, tired, and BIT‐CHY!” — Alissa
· “Comebacks for when you are secretly in love with a midget.” — John
· “Happily, I Have a Fetish for Both” — anthony fiore
· “It’s Sexy Because It’s Like Having Sex With Kids, But They’re Legal!” — Bored Beyond Belief
· “She’s obviously never seen Wizard of Oz, that is ALL sex appeal” — Kevo
· “Thank God your mom pays me to hang out with you” — tiddlywinks
· “The Sexy Midget Union, recognizing retardation as a handicap, will not sue.” — Extra Character
· “The ‘My secret is: I’m marrying a dwarf’ deodorant ad — first take” — Amanda
· “There Are Sexy Midgets, You Probably Just Overlooked Them!” — Hobo Whisperer
· “They Prefer the Term “Erotically Challenged Little People”” — Shepcat
· “Yellow fever: Love of Asians. Smallpox: Love of midgets. Down Syndrome: That girl.” — erak
· “Yes, but I look good in a teddy AND can reach the top shelf” — Villelen
· “You Don’t Need to Be So Short With Me” — Matthew K Johnson

Honorable mentions:
· “But can slightly retarded be sexy?” — Virginia Wood
· “If she were fully retarded, she’d be banging all the unsexy midgets.” — AJ
· “So all those internet porn sites are wrong?” — Graz
· “The Sexy Ones Wouldn’t Want to Sleep with you Anyway” — Ian
· “The new MMILF: Mental Midgets I’d Like to F***” — Peter Parker

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Manager: How did you make those sandwiches so fast?
Sandwich guy: Performance‐enhancing drugs.

–Subway, 23rd & Madison

Overheard by: Jonathan

Girl #1: Wow, look at all the babies out here!
Polish queer: Mmm… dinner.
Girl #2: What?
Polish queer: I’m just living up to the stereotype.… Witches? Eating babies?
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant Polish people!
Guy: I thought you meant gay people!

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Guy: Yeah, I was in jail and got my Associate’s.
Girl: Yeah? Was it free?
Guy: 20 dollars or something.
Girl: Damn! I’m gonna be paying school loans forever! I should go to jail!

–Wai Cafe, 17th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: 167girl

Hipster boy to girl: After the internet age and the digital age, we are now entering the cyborg age.
Hipster girl to boy: Yeah, cyborgs are totally mainstream now. I saw a special on Fox News all about cyborgs and it was totally mainstream.
Hipster boy to girl: My brother has an insulin pump.

–F Train Platform

Overheard by: sadie

Man #1: See, there’s the exit, and it says Salida. What the hell’s that?
Man #2: I think it’s Spanish for salad.
Man #1: Why the fuck write that on there?

–JetBlue plane, JFK

Overheard by: beth devlin