Idiots

Wednesday One-liners Go to the Park

Drunk hobo: Excuse me, sir, do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number?

–Central Park

Overheard by: alec

Girl on cell: Like, how many miles are in a square mile?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Glynnis

Guy on cell: No. You don’t understand. These girls are hungry. Tofu is not going to fucking do it.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Hambone Bootblack

Jogger lady: Oh, great, it’s raining. Thanks a lot, God.

–Central Park

Overheard by: mj

Man: That guy’s got a chicken. He’s gonna burn it! Hey man, don’t hurt the animals! He’s gonna burn the chicken!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Brother Gets Around

Garage guy: Yo, how much is the subway now?
Dude: Two motherfuckin’ dollars.
Garage guy: Fuck that. A gallon of gas is less than that.
Dude: Dumbass, if you had a car, you would know that gas is more than $2.
Garage guy: Well, I don’t.
Dude: No shit, dumbass.
Garage guy: My bitch do…ha, ha, ha.

–Park Slope parking garage

Overheard by: Jim Chambers

That, and Posting Things Too Boring to Actually Say

Chick: I think the difference between a blog and a website is that a blog is something you can set up without doing any of that website shit.

—Black Table party, Slainte, The Bowery

We Interrupt Wednesday One-liners with this Breaking Idiocy

Chick: So I was at the gym on the bikes and I was watching CNN and on the scroll at the bottom it said that a 91 year old guy was named “Deep Throat”! And I was all, that is totally a porno name!
Guy: Uh…

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alexis Gratt

Pokemon Isn’t a Good Guide to Biology

Guy #1: Yo dude, I got a mouse in my apartment.
Guy #2: You better kill it before it grows into a rat.

–A train

Overheard by: Eric Muscatell

That Would Be Some Mayflower

Rich girl #1: You’ve got it wrong. The Shiites are the majority in Iraq.
Rich girl #2: Oh, well if the Sunni don’t like it, they should just move back to Iran.

–91st & Madison

Overheard by: Sennott

Revenge of the Shit Opens Tonight

Girl: That’s so scary.
Boy: What?
Girl: The third rail.
Boy: Teah.
Girl: That should be like a movie title or something.
Boy: Third Rail…I should put that in my notebook.

–Trinity School, W. 91st Street

Overheard by: Alexis

The Correct Answer is “Botanical Pornography”

Guy in car: Hey, what’s that white stuff in the trees?
Pedestrian: Umm…blossoms?
Guy in car: Yeah, but what are they?
Pedestrian: White blossoms?

–88th & 5th

Overheard by: Siobhan

Coffins Now 10% Off with Student ID!

Employee: Can I leave at 5?
Boss: Why?
Employee: I cannot work here for more than 5 hours day, for medical reasons.
Boss: What reason?
Employee: Well, this work is so dull and unsatisfying that if I work more than 5 hours a day I could jump out the window?
Boss: Wait, did you say you go to NYU?

–22nd Street office

Bystander guy #1: Congratulations!
Bystander guy #2: One sixteenth of you are gonna make it!

–NYU Graduation Ceremony, Washington Square Park

Some Call It RAIN

Guy: What’s this wet shit falling from the sky?

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Heather Letzkus

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