Man #1: He’s put on some weight. I don’t remember him being that fat in The Last Five Years.
Man #2: Well, having two kids’ll do that to you.
–Imperial Theatre, West 45th Street
Man #1: He’s put on some weight. I don’t remember him being that fat in The Last Five Years.
Man #2: Well, having two kids’ll do that to you.
–Imperial Theatre, West 45th Street
Mother: So Krusty couldn’t find his star in the Jewish Hall of Fame.
Boy: There was a Jewish Hall of Fame?
Mother: Yeah, and Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop were there.
Father: Lamb Chop was a Jewish lamb?
–Windsor Terrace
Girl: Let’s make a baby.
Boy: What?
Girl: Well, not to keep or anything.
–A train
Guy #1: Hi, I’m Bryan.
Guy #2: I’m Brian too!
Guy #1: I’m Bryan with a Y.
Guy #2: I’m Brian with a B.
–Wonderbar, Avenue A
Girl #1: Oh my god, I wonder what language was that?
Girl #2: That was English.
–Broadway between 101st & 102nd
Black girl #1: Do you know what RSVP stands for?
Black girl #2: Respond as soon as possible?
Black girl #1: No, stupid it’s r.s.v.p.. It stands for repond s’il vous plait, it’s French.
Black girl #2: Spell it!
Black girl #1: R-e-s-p-o-n-d c-i v-u p-l-a-y. Don’t you know anything.
–4 train
Woman: Hi.
Cashier lady: Huh?
Lady: Hi.
Cashier lady: Oh.
The cashier finishes checking the lady out.
Lady: Thanks.
Cashier lady: Huh?
Lady: Never mind.
–Fine Fare, Clinton Street
Overheard by: Heather
Guy #1: So what do you do?
Guy #2: I’m a therapist.
Guy #1: Wow. Master’s or PhD?
Guy #2: Massage.
–22nd & 8th
Overheard by: Ben Wade
Drunk hobo: Excuse me, sir, do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number?
–Central Park
Overheard by: alec
Girl on cell: Like, how many miles are in a square mile?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Glynnis
Guy on cell: No. You don’t understand. These girls are hungry. Tofu is not going to fucking do it.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Hambone Bootblack
Jogger lady: Oh, great, it’s raining. Thanks a lot, God.
–Central Park
Overheard by: mj
Man: That guy’s got a chicken. He’s gonna burn it! Hey man, don’t hurt the animals! He’s gonna burn the chicken!
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Alex Romanovich
Garage guy: Yo, how much is the subway now?
Dude: Two motherfuckin’ dollars.
Garage guy: Fuck that. A gallon of gas is less than that.
Dude: Dumbass, if you had a car, you would know that gas is more than $2.
Garage guy: Well, I don’t.
Dude: No shit, dumbass.
Garage guy: My bitch do…ha, ha, ha.
–Park Slope parking garage
Overheard by: Jim Chambers
