Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Learn On

Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I’ll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]

–F train

Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A’s.

–Diner, Chelsea

Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.

–19th & 5th

Overheard by: Jeff McCrum

Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher…

–Dishes Restaurant, 45th St

Overheard by: Literate

Teen: No lie, my nigga — I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!

–Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk

Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann’s… Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes… Please…

–Chinatown

Posted on January 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chinatown, Compliments, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Frat Boys, Girls, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, School, School and studying, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Time, Violence

Only If There’s Scratching and Hair-Pulling in the Dramatic Re-Enactment

Teacher: … And you’ll finish up the unit on slavery with a project about a historical figure in the slavery era.
7th grader: Can I do mine on Thomas Jefferson’s baby’s mama?

–University Neighborhood Middle School

Posted on January 29, 2008
Elementary & Middle School, History & Geography, Kids, Offers and requests, School, Students, Teachers/Professors

Tell Us All about It, Dear

Professor: So, what did you all think of the Bodies Exhibit? Is there any part of the human anatomy you think you’d change if you had the chance?
Hipster guy: I’d get rid of nipples on guys. They’re kind of pointless.
Professor: That’s true. Although some men have very sensitive bosoms and enjoy being touched there. Have any of you ever been with a man who had a sensitive bosom? [One student awkwardly raises her hand.]

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Posted on January 28, 2008
College, Foreplay, Hipsters, Nipples, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

That’s Also a Preview of My Valedictory Address

Teacher: Ben, you got a six out of ten. That’s not great.
Ben: Mr. L*, I’m gonna tell you my life motto. It is, ‘If you push me over the edge, I will grab you by the neck and pull you down with me… And then push you into Hell.’

–Bronx Science

Posted on January 17, 2008
Bronx Science, Philosophy, Students, Teachers/Professors

Judging from the Way You’re Licking That Protractor

Student: Um, sir, don’t you have to divide through by X?
Elderly math teacher: I have no idea what you just said, but I’m sure it was provocative.

–Stuyvesant High

Posted on January 12, 2008
Education, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Words

Fine, Fine — Shall We Review Sins of the Flesh?

Overly energetic theology professor: Now, let’s talk about the apocalypse!
Several un-enthused students: Yay…

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

Posted on January 7, 2008
Education, Fordham, Students, Teachers/Professors

Save That for Your Term Papers

English teacher: Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. What did he touch?
Student: His stuff…?
English teacher: Let’s not even go there.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie