Substitute teacher: Ummm, you in the back — yeah — what are you doing?
Student, formerly mumbling and waving arms: Oh, just casting a spell.
–Hunter
Substitute teacher: Ummm, you in the back — yeah — what are you doing?
Student, formerly mumbling and waving arms: Oh, just casting a spell.
–Hunter
Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I’ll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]
–F train
Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A’s.
–Diner, Chelsea
Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.
–19th & 5th
Overheard by: Jeff McCrum
Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher…
–Dishes Restaurant, 45th St
Overheard by: Literate
Teen: No lie, my nigga — I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!
–Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk
Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann’s… Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes… Please…
–Chinatown
Teacher: … And you’ll finish up the unit on slavery with a project about a historical figure in the slavery era.
7th grader: Can I do mine on Thomas Jefferson’s baby’s mama?
–University Neighborhood Middle School
Professor: So, what did you all think of the Bodies Exhibit? Is there any part of the human anatomy you think you’d change if you had the chance?
Hipster guy: I’d get rid of nipples on guys. They’re kind of pointless.
Professor: That’s true. Although some men have very sensitive bosoms and enjoy being touched there. Have any of you ever been with a man who had a sensitive bosom? [One student awkwardly raises her hand.]
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Teacher: Ben, you got a six out of ten. That’s not great.
Ben: Mr. L*, I’m gonna tell you my life motto. It is, ‘If you push me over the edge, I will grab you by the neck and pull you down with me… And then push you into Hell.’
–Bronx Science
Student: Um, sir, don’t you have to divide through by X?
Elderly math teacher: I have no idea what you just said, but I’m sure it was provocative.
–Stuyvesant High
Overly energetic theology professor: Now, let’s talk about the apocalypse!
Several un-enthused students: Yay…
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
English teacher: Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. What did he touch?
Student: His stuff…?
English teacher: Let’s not even go there.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Professor: What have I told you about fairness?
Student: That we should forget about it.
Professor: Yes!
–NYU Law School
Student, looking at clock: It’s time to go, Mr. T.
Teacher, slowly and loudly: It’s time for you to die.
–E 68th St
