Exchange student: I was just telling him how to use a Post‐it.
–Columbia
20‐ish male: Actually, global warming is only going to benefit New York City.
–Columbia
Overheard by: martina m.
Chick: I am not eating somewhere with a misplaced apostrophe in its menu.
–Columbia
Overheard by: Ladle
Young Columbia student: Yeah, so all of a sudden I was walking home drunk, in a diaper, with a huge scar.
–1 train
Columbia grad student: … And if you ask him he’ll say, ‘I’m making money for the school! I’m making money for the school! I do drugs! I do drugs!’
–1 train
Student to another: As for the article, I don’t care about the truth of my argument. I care about people knowing how big my penis is.
–Columbia
Conductor: This is 116th Street, Columbia University. Good luck paying your tuition.
–116th St
Overheard by: Sam
