Girl: Jerk.
Guy: Why do you always say that?
Girl: Asshole.
Guy: You always say that, too!
–St. John’s University
Girl: Jerk.
Guy: Why do you always say that?
Girl: Asshole.
Guy: You always say that, too!
–St. John’s University
Jamaican nanny on cell: Girl, I just got back from a four day vacation. Where? My bed. We fucked nonstop for four days like dogs. I couldn’t even get out to take a shit.
Mother: Excuse me, there are children around.
Jamaican nanny: Fuck the children!
–Food Emporium, UWS
Overheard by: Dan
Biotech #1: Look, there’s that creepy old librarian that used to work at the library at school!
Biotech #2: She was so gross! Every day I would go in to check out a book for a class and another one of her fingers would be missing!
Biotech #1: Yeah, that’s probably why she left.
–Kiehl’s, 3rd Ave
Early-20s chick: Look at that girl! She’s, like, thirty! She should just give it up and go have some kids already.
30-ish guy nearby: Fuck you!
–Scruffy Duffy’s
Overheard by: 30 and kidless
Blood center rep: Ma’am, would you like to donate blood today and save a life?
Woman: No, I’m donating into my maxi-pad as we speak.
Blood center rep: Ewww.
–96th St & CPW
Overheard by: Cathleen B
Biotech: Like, the only reason I like living in Brooklyn is because everyone’s a mess, so it makes me so feel normal, you know?
Friend: Yeah.
–E 77th, between 2nd & 3rd
Ghetto nerd chick #1, to girl talking about Harry Potter on cell: Aw, hell, no she didn’t! I have not been reading that shit since I was 13 to have the final ending fucked up by some crackwhore-looking bitch on her stupid pink faggot phone! Oh, fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! I’m going to kill you, feed you to wolves, then nuclear bomb the entire planet!
Ghetto nerd chick #2, into cell: I know, yeah… What? Oh, just some crazy bitch. Yeah, and can you believe that they killed off–
Ghetto nerd chick #1, covering her ears and singing: –Stuck on a train with a big fat whore. Stuck on a train. La-lala-lala…
–S train
Biotech: Mary, go fuck yourself!
Mary: I… I don’t know how.
–Grand & Roebling, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Jordan Cooper
College girl: How many Asians are in there?
Bouncer: I don’t know.
College girl: Like, what’s the percentage?
Bouncer: Seventy? [Girls walk away.]
–Bowery & Prince
Girl wearing cargo capris: Do I look like a lesbian in these pants?
Stranger girl: Yeah, why?
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Hal
