Black guy #1: I just realized this is a long-ass ride! It’s like 15 minutes!
Black guy #2: Shut up, nigga.
Black guy #1: Is that your breath I smell? It smells like you ate roast beef with a side of shit… and grits.
–1 train
Overheard by: DC
Black guy #1: I just realized this is a long-ass ride! It’s like 15 minutes!
Black guy #2: Shut up, nigga.
Black guy #1: Is that your breath I smell? It smells like you ate roast beef with a side of shit… and grits.
–1 train
Overheard by: DC
Black teen girl #1, about screaming baby at other end of car: Yo, someone needs to tell that baby to hush up.
Black teen girl #2: Damn, I know, right? Yo, baby, shut the fuck up!
–Coney Island-bound D train
Black guy: What the fuck is wrong with you? How are you not gonna like pussy?
Friend, with cornrows: ‘Cause, fool! There’s only one thing better, and that’s money.
Black guy, concurring: The only thing.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Sleepy Monkey
Queer black man #1: I am stupid, dumb, and crazy.
Queer black man #2: Mmm-hm.
Queer black man #1: But I am not slow. I never was.
Queer black man #2: You never were.
Queer black man #1: I never was.
Queer black man #2: It’s ‘were. I never were.’ I was an English major.
Queer black man #1: It’s, ‘I never was.’ I went to school. You’re speaking some sort of crazy… some crazy Ebonics language.
Queer black man #2: Bitch, you stupid, dumb, and crazy.
Queer black man #1: Mmm-hm, that’s right.
–M10 bus, 110th & CPW
Overheard by: A former English minor, weeping.
Young black woman #1: I’m sick of people all up in my face during my job.
Young black woman #2: Yeah?
Young black woman #1: Yeah, people come up yelling, ‘They took my babies away from me!’ and I’m like, ‘Well, maybe you should stop smoking the crack…’
–A train
Overheard by: Jesse
Black guy #1: Dude, humans got all sorts of unique smells and shit.
Black guy #2: Man, that’s why dogs love white people.
–Marcus Garvey Park
Black guy: Let’s go to the meat market and get some crystal meth.
Buddy: Aight.
–27th & 8th
Overheard by: Shmatty and Shammy
Afro: Shit, nigga, you never heard of Serendipity’s?
Cornrows: Nah.
Afro: It’s a motherfucking ice cream parlor.
Cornrows: Like what? Häagen-Dazs?
Afro: Nah, they charge you up the ass and you’re surrounded by white people.
Cornrows: Like Häagen-Dazs?
Afro: Nah, it’s classy. Fool, don’t you know anything about class?
Cornrows: So it’s like Häagen-Dazs.
Afro: Damn, you ignorant.
–84th & Amsterdam
White guy, about pretty black chick passerby: Yo, why do black girls always look at you but not me?
Black guy: Same reason why you piss close to the urinal and I gotta stand a foot away.
–35th & 6th
Overheard by: Hispanic guy who stands 8 inches away
Black guy, popping white friend’s collar: Man, what’d I tell you about that?
White friend, putting it down: But I don’t want to.
Girl: Leave him alone — he ain’t ready for that yet.
–NYU Kimmel Building
