Lady: Maybe we should go get some soup for your daughter instead of the vegetable Tempura.
Mother of young girl: Why?
Lady: Because she’s not eating the vegetables — she’s just drinking the Tempura sauce.
Mother: Oh. That’s fine.
–Food court, Mall
Lady: Maybe we should go get some soup for your daughter instead of the vegetable Tempura.
Mother of young girl: Why?
Lady: Because she’s not eating the vegetables — she’s just drinking the Tempura sauce.
Mother: Oh. That’s fine.
–Food court, Mall
Confused girl: Why do you have strings coming out of your pants?
Boy: It’s a Jewish thing.
–LaGuardia High
Guy #1: Thank God we cant get pregnant.
Guy #2: Yes! [Slaps high-five.]Drunk girl: Normally I’d slap you five, but I stopped taking birth control last week… So if anyone wants to impregnate me, now is the time!
–Penn Station
Chick: … And then he was telling me something about a fleshlight — do you know what that is?
Dude: Yeah… No, no I don’t.
–Columbia University
Hetero dude: … So it was just like the movie Smoking Aces, except it was your penis?
Queer: Exactly!
–Peculier Pub
Dude #1: Alright, guys, I gotta get home.
Dude #2: Keep your butthole tight.
Dude #3: I’ll pray for you.
Dude #1: I think I’ll be okay. I ate that stuff with the seaweed in it.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Duzen
Woman: I just couldn’t believe they would do that to another human being. The guy had one leg, and the employees walked in on him in the bathroom on purpose — had themselves a big laugh.
Friend, in stall: If that was me, I’d pull down my pants, spread my crack, and really give them something to laugh about. Mmm-hm.
–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Natalie G.
Girl: You’re on crack. Nobody’s just going to start calling the Empire State Building ‘ESB.’
Guy: If I do it often enough, it might start a trend.
–Empire State Building
Boy looking at action figures in window: Which of these do you like best?
Girl: I’m not sure… Definitely not George Bush.
Boy, pointing to Albert Einstein: I don’t like him. He invented the atomic bomb and killed loads of people.
–Times Square
Ex-Long-Islander #1: … But then he’d have to marry a– What’s the female equivalent of ‘guido’?
Ex-Long-Islander #2: I don’t know… ‘Bitch’?
–LIRR
Overheard by: sarah
