Chick: … And then he was telling me something about a fleshlight — do you know what that is?
Dude: Yeah… No, no I don’t.
–Columbia University
Chick: … And then he was telling me something about a fleshlight — do you know what that is?
Dude: Yeah… No, no I don’t.
–Columbia University
Hetero dude: … So it was just like the movie Smoking Aces, except it was your penis?
Queer: Exactly!
–Peculier Pub
Dude #1: Alright, guys, I gotta get home.
Dude #2: Keep your butthole tight.
Dude #3: I’ll pray for you.
Dude #1: I think I’ll be okay. I ate that stuff with the seaweed in it.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Duzen
Woman: I just couldn’t believe they would do that to another human being. The guy had one leg, and the employees walked in on him in the bathroom on purpose — had themselves a big laugh.
Friend, in stall: If that was me, I’d pull down my pants, spread my crack, and really give them something to laugh about. Mmm-hm.
–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Natalie G.
Girl: You’re on crack. Nobody’s just going to start calling the Empire State Building ‘ESB.’
Guy: If I do it often enough, it might start a trend.
–Empire State Building
Boy looking at action figures in window: Which of these do you like best?
Girl: I’m not sure… Definitely not George Bush.
Boy, pointing to Albert Einstein: I don’t like him. He invented the atomic bomb and killed loads of people.
–Times Square
Ex-Long-Islander #1: … But then he’d have to marry a– What’s the female equivalent of ‘guido’?
Ex-Long-Islander #2: I don’t know… ‘Bitch’?
–LIRR
Overheard by: sarah
Chick #1: If I have sex with you, will you shut up?
Guy: Maybe.
Chick #2: Find an alley and do it, because I’m going to be late for my hair appointment.
–F train, Queens
Man: So, how was Missouri?
Woman: I was in Vermont.
Man: How was Vermont?
Woman: It was okay.
Man: Was it?
–1166 6th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Girl #1: Oh my god, John! You have to join our theater company that we’re starting.
Girl #2: It’s called ‘Four Bitches and a Toke.’
Girl #3: You’re the toke.
Queer: Wait, wait… I’m the toke? I’m a bigger bitch than all four of you.
Girl #4: But you don’t have a vagina!
Queer: Ohhh, trust me — you do not have to have a vagina to be a bitch.
–4th & Ave A
Overheard by: Todd B
