Six-year-old girl: Wow! Look at those go-go boots. The East Village is so multi-cultural.
Her father: You think so? It’s mostly rich, white people now.
–East 7th St
Archive for the ‘Glad the Condom Broke’ Category
Be a Good Sport, Wednesday One-Liners
Conductor, on loudspeaker: Please note, you heard it here first: I’m watching the Super Bowl only for the commercials. The Giants are going to be so far ahead of… the other team… it’ll be a boring game. We gonna whoop them by at least 15, 20 points. But the commercials are going to be great!
–A train
Overheard by: love this conductor!
Blind hobo to no one: You know why black basketball players are better than white ones? Because Jesus was black, so they’re like Jesus!
–1 train
Black teen girl, to three teen boys: Super Bowl! Super bowl?! What the hell does that mean, ‘a Super Bowl’? Didn’t you ever think about how stupid that is?!
–F train, 4th Ave
Overheard by: Theresa
Eight-year-old boy: You can’t have a Cowboys game without the cheerleaders. There go half the male ticket holders.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Guy who is clearly not Eli Manning: What do I do? My name is Eli Manning, and I play for the New York Giants.
–Upper West Side
Guy randomly wipes out on the sidewalk, flat on his stomach with arms stretched out in front of him. Everyone stares.
Nearby cop: Safe!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Bananaphone
W.C. Fields: Quite a Set of Lungs on the Little Moppet
Five-year-old tourist girl: Daddy, don’t lie to your wife!
–Deli
Overheard by: persephone
Looks Like Disney’s Already Gotten Its Claws Into Him
Dad to four-year-old son: Hey, don’t touch that! Don’t pick up things off the ground here. I just saw a mouse.
Four-year-old son: You saw a mouse! You are so lucky! I always wanted to see one of those!
Dad, sighing: You don’t want to see them, they are dirty.
Son: You’re so lucky. Wow! A mouse.
–8th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Must not be from the village
Wednesday One-Linered…With Children
Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I’ve been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.
–Dumbo, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tanya
Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.
–64th & Amsterdam
Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you’re 35 on an engineer’s salary and you can’t do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!
–Target Store, Brooklyn
Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.
–28th & Park Avenue South
Overheard by: Alie
Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We’re going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What’s your name again?
–61st & Amsterdam
That Poor Blue Muppet Has Really Fallen on Hard Times
Toddler being pushed through park: Music!
Hobo, playing guitar: Give me cookies!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Anna P.
Why Grandma and Her Ventilator Are Currently Sleeping on the Front Stoop
Six-year-old boy in voting booth with mother: Obama for president! Mommy, I want Obama to win!
Mother to son: You wouldn’t be living under my roof if you didn’t!
–Voting Booth, 22nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Casey Felago
Wednesday One-Liners: Now with Coloring Placemat Menus
Small child in large line of kids to woman carrying first-aid kit: Hey, Miss Cynthia, I can’t wait to disappear!
–Lawton St, & Bushwick Ave, Brooklyn
Boy pointing at guy dressed as Statue of Liberty: We waited this whole time just to see that?!
–Line for Statue of Liberty, Battery Park
Little girl: Daddy! I’m hard!
–Blockbuster
Overheard by: Abram
Small boy: Mommy, you sit over there next to Grandma, and I’ll sit over here next to myself.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: post-modern self-identity is a funny thing
Sobbing little boy in stroller to mother: Why can’t you just settle me dowwwn?!
–48th St & Madison
Overheard by: Micaela
Sweet Georgia Brown Loves Basketball
Three-year-old girl: They got balls!
Mom: Balls?
Three-year-old girl: Yeeeeah!
–Globetrotters Game, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: amira
Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own
Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi!
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: Dan
Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo.
–American Museum of Natural History
Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy!
–Used Furniture Store, Staten Island
Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol!
–A Train
Overheard by: Swarles
Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me!
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Claire
Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate.
–The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing
Overheard by: Taylor
