Guy #1: Wait, who here has slept with a drug dealer?
Guy #2: I have.
Guy #3: I have.
Guy #4: I have.
Guy #2: You have not.
Guy #4: Yes, I have — Esther.
Guy #3: Esther’s a drug dealer?
Guy #4: Hells yeah!
–Columbus, between 67th & 68th
Guy #1: Wait, who here has slept with a drug dealer?
Guy #2: I have.
Guy #3: I have.
Guy #4: I have.
Guy #2: You have not.
Guy #4: Yes, I have — Esther.
Guy #3: Esther’s a drug dealer?
Guy #4: Hells yeah!
–Columbus, between 67th & 68th
Guy #1: Dude, have you ever done it in blood?
Guy #2: Uh, yeah…
–Columbia University
Young pretty boy #1: My friend wants to be a porn star, but they told him you have to be a certain weight and cum three ounces every single time.
Young pretty boy #2: Doesn’t he want to go to college?
–H&M
Overheard by: Andrea Reese
Man #1: What is going on here?
Man #2: They are filming the new Sex in the City movie with Sarah Jessica Parker. They have the entrance to the subway blocked off.
Man #1: Wonderful. I wouldn’t even know what Sarah Jessica Parker looks like.
Woman nearby: Hi. I’m Sarah Jessica Parker.
Man #1: Nice to meet you. Can I go home now?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Sure, go ahead.
–Outside 6 train entrance
Overheard by: Matt
Guy #1: I love Tom Brady — not just the fact he’s a great football player, but he knocked up that hot chick, too.
Guy #2: I know, man. He’s a real handsome guy.
Guy #3: Yo, I was just thinking that, too! I would eat his asshole.
–Outside Ski Bar, 72nd & 5th, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: stevesoph
Guy #1: Are there white chicks walking around Harlem these days?
Guy #2: Yeah, man — Harlem’s like a salad topped with tasty white croutons!
–23rd & 6th
Blue Rangers jersey: Hey, how come you’ve never brought your girlfriend to a game?
White Rangers jersey: Are you kidding me? Never again. The last time I brought her, the Rangers got their asses kicked and my wife saw her on TV.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: David
Guy #1: So, how’s your gay roommate?
Guy #2: Ehhh… He’s still gay.
–1st & 1st
Overheard by: Jack Melody
Dude #1: Dude, that girl is looking at you like a fat girl looks at cake.
Dude #2: She is a fat girl.
Dude #1: Fine. She is looking at you like you are cake.
–UES
Guy #1: Dude, that man squirrel is about to rape that woman squirrel.
Guy #2: Do squirrels have wieners?
Guy #1: I don’t know… I want to see if he sticks it in her!
Guy #2: Oh my god! They’re 69-ing each other! This is awesome!
Guy #1: Holy shit! He just stuck his head up her squirrel-gina!
Guy #2: [Captivated silence.]
–Central Park
Overheard by: Armando
