Dude #1: The doctor said that I should stop finding blood in my piss within the next week if I keep taking this shit he prescribed.
Dude #2: That’s cool. Did you get to show him the tattoo on your dick?
Dude #1: Nah… I told him about it, though.
–6 train
Guy #1: Did you see that chick who was throwing up?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1: She had a pretty nice body.
–Metro-North
Dude #1: Hey, smell my breath.
Dude #2: Holy shit, man! What have you been eating?!
Dude #1: Kate’s ass!
–C train
Overheard by: Davis Baker
Dude #1: So, I went on that job interview today.
Dude #2: How did it go?
Dude #1: I don’t know — I didn’t step on the cat fast enough.
Dude #2: Yeah, that will kill ya.
–Central Park
Guy: You know — it’s Dow Jones and NASDAQ.
Girl: Who are they? Those guys that died?
–14th & Park Ave South
Dude #1: Well, listen, dude — there are many correct decisions you can make.
Dude #2: Yeah, but I want to make the right one!
Dude #1: I know. I mean, there are two issues. There’s the cheating thing, which could, you know, really make her lose it, and there’s breaking up with her when you go to Chile.
Dude #2: Yeah, at this point I feel like it’s right to not tell her about the cheating. I mean, I’m a selfish person, and she knew that when we started dating.
Dude #1: Yeah, I mean, you are looking to emanate as much guilt as possible, and if you keep that to yourself, you don’t have to worry about it.
Dude #2: Listen, I’m trying to emanate as much guilt as I can, but it’s still tough. I just feel like she is so into me, and I mean, I think she’s attractive, but on the other hand, I have dated more attractive girls.
Dude #1: Listen, man, you have to take care of yourself. That’s always the right decision.
Dude #2: Well, I really worry about the cheating thing getting back to her.
Dude #1: Listen, dude, in the age of Facebook, nothing is private.
Dude #2, resigned: Totally.
–7th Ave, between 36th & 37th
Guy #1, at urinal: Yo, that chick who came with Nancy — smokin’.
Guy #2, in stall: Yeah, bro. Anna. I tagged the shit out of her once in her parents’ house in Long Island.
Guy #1: No fucking way! You’re such a douchebag.
Guy #2: I’m serious, man. It was kind of awkward and shit… I kept slipping off the bed — it was tough to get in position.
Guy #1: Damn, you were that wasted?!
Guy #2: Nah, man, it was on her little brother’s bed. He had rubber sheets and shit.
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: He’s like a perpetual bed-wetter or some shit. Her bedroom was right next to her parents’… Totally fucked up my style.
–Bathroom, Sutton Place Bar
Overheard by: Cuthbert
Guy #1: Okay, so this news I have to tell you…
Guy #2: Yeah…
Guy #1: You’re the first one I’m telling, so don’t mention this to anyone yet — I wanna be the one to break the news to everyone. It’s big. And I don’t want this to change anything between us or the guys — I’m still the same James*. But it just feels right… I feel like it’s time.
Guy #2, looking very uncomfortable: Uh, dude…
Guy #1: I know, you’re gonna tell me I’m crazy. But I’ve actually been thinking about it for a long time [pulls velvet box out of jacket and opens it to reveal huge diamond ring].
Guy #2: Whoa, bro…
Guy #1: Dude… I’m gonna ask Danielle to marry me.
Guy #2: Oh, Jesus. Dude, that’s awesome — that’s really great! Wonderful! I’m so happy for you!
Guy #1, accepting huge hug from guy #2: Wow, dude, you’re really happy about this.
Guy #2: Bro, you have no idea what I thought you were gonna say.
–Park bench, Central Park
Overheard by: Highlight of my day
Guy: Alright, bye, Corinne! Nice meeting you, Jess.
Jess: He was nice. How do you know him?
Corrine: … My hand smells like penis. Does your hand smell like penis?
–Outside Bleecker Street Bakery
Overheard by: mine didn’t
Young man #1: You are better qualified for the job, right?
Young man #2: Yeah, but you know Father McLeavy is a clergical whore.
–B train
