Guys

Guy: Yeah, well, I am going to give her a Valentine’s foot in the ass!

–110th bet. Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Elena Santogade

A jazz singer was playing his set, and a girl yelled out her phone number. He yelled back: I ain’t gay, but it’s worth a shot.

–55 Bar, Christopher St.

Overheard by: Tyler Shields

Girl: So then I asked everyone, “Who’s ever had anal?” and then he turned around…

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Girl: Cattle? Who said anything about cattle? Now chickens…they’re fun to molest sometimes.

–Fort Greene

Hippiechick: You can’t hug your child with nuclear arms.

–F Train

Overheard by: Erica Bergin

Guy: …it’s like…you can’t hug your child with nuclear arms!

–Bubba Gump’s, Times Square

20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies.

–Starbucks, West Village

Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies

Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings!

–Broadway

Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?"

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Mickey

Guy #1: Wow, [title of show] was awesome. I thought it was super inspirational.
Guy #2: Yeah, the girl-on-girl action was pretty sweet.
Guy #1: And they even had four chairs and a keyboard. How much better does it get?

–Times Square

Overheard by: WonderWoman

Guy, about Empire State Building: Yeah, and for Valentine's Day they put a heart on it.
Visiting Australian woman: A what? A hard-on?

–Rooftop, Watching 4th of July Fireworks

Overheard by: i saw one of those on a building once…

Guy: Dude…did I ever tell you about that time I died?
Friend: What?

–Union Square

Dude #1: We should have stayed in Midtown.
Dude #2: Why? All you can do there is buy socks and drugs.

–Spring & Broadway

Overheard by: Alisa!

Guido: I love these jeans. They’re so comfy-womfy.

–R train, Court St

Teen girl: Tissues are so overrated. That’s what long-sleeved shirts are for. That’s why no one wears short-sleeved shirts!

–TGIFriday, 42nd St

Conductor: Down coats are very poofy. Please pull them in from the doors.

–Crowded F train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Puking guy, using hat to catch his vomit: I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to wear this hat again. It was a good hat.

–A train

Overheard by: Joseph

Teen girl, about gift for boyfriend: Can you imagine me getting him a sweater that’s too small and going, ‘Oh, it’s too small? I’ll take it!’

–R train

Chick: She was a tasteful goth… but she was wearing a cape.

–4th & Lafayette