Guys

Treats and Tricks (Happy Halloween)

Queer: Can you hold this shirt for me ’til tomorrow?
Shop trannie: No, we can’t put costumes on hold.
Queer: Well, I want to be, like, this Louis XIV go-go boy, and I already got the short shorts and everything, and this shirt would go perfect but I just can’t afford it ’til tomorrow.

–Halloween Adventure, 4th Avenue

Overheard by: sharyn jackson

Girl: Do you have any more slut-nurses?
Counter guy: No, we’re all out of slut-nurses, but we have some slut-devils and some slut-flight attendents.

–Ricky’s, 8th Avenue

Overheard by: Josh Caldwell

Guy: What’s she going as for Halloween?
Girl: A newsie.
Guy: Oh.
Girl: I knew she’d steal my idea, stupid ho-bag.

–Elevator, Water Street Residence

Overheard by: Dan & Travis

Guy: I’ve always loved this mask, it’s so cool.
Girl: Yeah, I guess.
Guy: I mean, I guess I should, considering…
Girl: Right.
Guy: I mean, I was in the movie.
Girl: That was like a decade ago.
Guy: So?
Girl: Yeah, but you were a fucking extra. And you didn’t even have a single line.

–Ricky’s, 22nd & 3rd

Guy: What is this, All Harlots’ Eve?

–3rd Avenue & 8th Street

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

That’s a Really Offensive Thing to Call Splash

Guy #1: Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt but can I ask you for a favor?
guy #2: Uh, sure.
Guy #1: I’m trying to raise $2 to buy a forty, can you help me out?
Guy #2: A forty? Uh, I have an orange if you want.
Guy #1: Nah, I live in front of a fruit stand.

–8th Street between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: E Martinez

That’s Not Why He’s Always Cleaning Himself

Teen boy: My puppy is probably going to die soon.
Teen girl: Aw, when?
Teen boy: Probably by next September, he’ll be a corpse.
Teen girl: Wait, why?
Teen boy: He has obsessive-compulsive disorder.

–Central Park

You Should See What the Calamari is Made Of

Dude #1: Turkey and swiss.
Deliman: Sorry, no cheese.
Dude #1: Jesus Christ! What kind of deli doesn’t have cheese?
Dude #2: Um, dude…Jewish deli…
Dude #1: I don’t suppose they’d have hot peppers either, then.

–2nd Avenue Deli

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Cynthia Nixon Didn’t Date a Monster There Either

Girl: I was afraid the cab driver wasn’t going to take us to Brooklyn!
Guy: I know, he seemed annoyed when we said Brooklyn.
Girl: I mean, on Sex and the City they could never get a cab into Brooklyn.

–F train

The Riddler Presents: Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Is it raining? Or is it just me?

–24th & 7th

You’ve Had One Handroll, You’ve Had ‘Em All

Girl: So we could hook up, or go to dinner.
Guy: Well, I don’t know. Is the sushi really that good?

–outside Nobu, Hudson Street

Overheard by: Michael

Dude Shot His Insult Load Way Premature

Guy #1: Man, it’s cold in here.
Guy #2: That’s cause your momma’s pussy is so loose.

–A train

Overheard by: Chris Harris

That’s a Nice Wednesday One-liners

Guy: So, go out with her! For her it will be a date. For you, it will be a charity event.

–Koi, W. 40th Street

Overheard by: Uptownish

Does Lots of Glowing Ooze Count as Mountains?

Woman: I love to cycle myself. You might not believe it, but I’m very good at it.
Guy: Really.
Woman: Yes. I come from the West, where I used to ride really strenuous courses.
Guy: Really.
Woman: Yes. And you know, if they grew some mountains in New Jersey or something, I could do the same here.

–1 train

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