Black dude on cell: So I got her pregnant. And she wanted me to care and shit, and I was like, ‘I’m a street nigga!’ And you know what I’m sayin’, ’cause you’re one, too. I didn’t want to be a father. I even told my son, straight-up! She was some nasty shit — all mugly in the face; body all fucked-up. But yeah, I was lacing that shit all the way through 1982! Okay, peace out, man.

–E train

Dude: Yeah, I think I have this disease where I can’t remember people’s names.
Chick: You mean AIDS?

–The Big Easy, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Theresa

Punk girl: He doesn’t look Jewish.
Punk boy: He’s not, he’s Catholic… A real pope-fucker.

–Rivington & Ludlow

Guy #1: Hey, what did you do this weekend?
Guy #2: Dude, I bought a crock pot.
Guy #1: Awesome.

–80 Hansen Pl, Brookyln

Guy #1: He’s always dressed in Gucci, Versace, and all that shit.
Guy #2: Nigga, if I was skinny I’d wear nice stuff too.
Guy #1: Yeah, I’m sure it’s your weight that’s keeping you from wearing Gucci.

–Queensboro Plaza station

Overheard by: Preebz

Guy to friend, about Grindhouse double-feature: That was fucking awesome.
Old guy in front of them: You didn’t actually like that, did you?
Guy: I did! I thought it was hilarious.
Old guy: Yeah, it was as funny as a dead child’s toy.

–83rd & 2nd

Overheard by: don juan

Well-dressed young black guy: Excuse me sir, do you happen to have a cigarette?
Surfer guy: Motherfucker, you’re in New York City. Of course I have a cigarette.

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: rpk

Guy: Why would I struggle with a bigger woman?
Friend: Because you are not agile!

–49th & 3rd

Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.

–Central Park

Overheard by: sarah

Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Date Rape

Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.


Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.

–51st St & Broadway

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…

–Union Square, uptown 6 train

Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.

–Outside Columbia dorm

Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.

–68th St & York

Girl: The guy in this photo has gigantism. It’s a condition where you don’t stop growing–
Guy: That rocks.
Girl: –but you die really young.
Guy: Oh wait, it doesn’t.

–Diane Arbus exhibit, The Met

Overheard by: Eviltom