Guys

Girl: Where are you taking me?
Guy: Home.
Girl: No, seriously?
Guy: Home, you think I’m kidding?
Girl: …seriously?
Guy: We’re going to my place, yeah. Why?
Girl: I just met you.

They both got out of the subway together.

–2 train

Overheard by: charlie moreno

Guy: My roommate is such a pain in the ass. It’s always something with her. She never stops complaining about something.
Girl: I know, same thing at my house.
Guy: She gets me so fed up it’s like all i hear now is, “Wah wah, my pussy hurts.”

–Penn Plaza office

Overheard by: Ocera

Guy #1: The next Pope might be black.
Guy #2: That guy’s not black. He’s African.

–Staten Island ferry

Mouhbreather: Ralph, what time is 19?
Ralph: 7.
Mouthbreather: 7? Damn.

—-Quizno’s, King’s Highway & Coney Island Ave.

Lesbian: Oh my god! And then all you’d have to do is puke on her and we’d all be even!

–Ginger’s Bar, Park Slope

Guy: Man, don’t worry about kicking that guy’s ass. Like Jesus said, “Turn the motherfucking cheek”, you know?

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: PB

Stalkee: …so then out of the blue I get an email that’s like, “Remember me? I broke up with your neighbor like 6 months ago. Wanna get together?”

–Mugs Ale House, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Scalper: Rangers tickets! New York Rangers tickets for sale!

–41st & 7th

Guy: Where is the nearest subway?
Girl: We are not eating at Subway.

–Thompson & Bleecker

Overheard by: Charles Star

Chick: I got a washing machine at home but it don’t fit. I got too many clothes.
Guy: Ain’t you never heard of loads?
Chick: What you mean?
Guy: Doing it once at a time.
Chick: Shoot, I be doing clothes forever if I do that shit.

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Trish

Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita.

–Broadway & Astor Place

Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Jon Graboff

Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here.

–Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street

Overheard by: james uphoff

Guy #1: So you like that girl?
Guy #2: Yeah, so far.
Guy #1: Well, don’t get married. Unless you wanna have kids; that’s the only reason to get married.
Guy #2: You married?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: You have kids?
Guy #1: Yeah, thank god.

–55th Street between 1st & 2nd Ave.

Overheard by: Brandy Rowell

Jogger Guy: This is totally just a warmup for a night of hot bondage sex.
Jogger Girl: I know!

–President and Court St.

Overheard by: Todd Martin