Chick: Oh my god, Ali. You totally motorboated me at the bar last night!
Ali: And then you showed your tits to everyone, you whore.
Chick: Yeah, but I got a free shot.
Ali: And I do enjoy seeing your tits…
Ali’s boyfriend: Is it weird that you like her tits more than me?

–Metro North out of Fordham

Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt!

–Stuyvesant High School

Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday!

–Ave A

Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face.

–Line at Upright Citizens Brigade

Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out?

–W 49th & Broadway

Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls…

–Washington Square Park

Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.]

–8 train

Overheard by: Alex

Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf.

–Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival

Overheard by: I hate it when that happens

A wheeltard, one leg a stump, grows more and more agitated while waiting for someone to come out of the men’s room. He starts banging his chair repeatedly into the door. Finally it opens. He rolls into the doorway.

Wheeltard: I could kick your motherfucking ass if I had another leg, motherfucker! How do you know I don’t have a gun? In fact, I do have a gun!

–McDonald’s, Delancey Street

Overheard by: Sarah T.