Preteen boy to another: Yo, he kilt that dude on the court!
Adult chaperone: ‘Kilt’?
Preteen boy: Killed.
Adult chaperone: And what is ‘kilt’?
Preteen boys, in chorus: A vernacular term.
Adult chaperone: That ain’t English.
–8th Ave-bound L train
Overheard by: i seize teaching opportunities too
Train announcer: This is an Eastchester-bound Five train. The next stop is Gun Hill Road.
Little black kid: No, Mommy! Don’t get off there! They’ll gun you on the hill!
Train announcer: This is Gun Hill Road.
Mother: Shut up! You do this every fuckin’ time! Get the hell over it! [Drags screaming child off train.]
–5 train, North Bronx
Overheard by: Benny P!
Little girl: What happened to your glasses?
Little boy: I lost them in my room.
Little girl: That’s dumb of you… But you look much more attractive without them.
Little boy: Thanks!
–Starbucks, 85th & 1st
Overheard by: Micaela
Young girl: I’m bored.
Father: Okay, let’s play the state name alphabet game.
Young girl: Yay!
Father: Okay, here we go — A?
Young girl: Alabama!
Father: Good. B?
Young girl: Bolivia!
Father: No, that’s a city in Spain. Try again.
Young girl: … I can’t!
Father: That’s because there are no states beginning with B! Ha! Gets you every time! Okay — C?
Young girl: Carolina!
Father: Eh, I shouldn’t really give you credit for that… but I guess this time… D?
Young girl: Dashwood!
Father: Dashwood?! What the fuck is Dashwood?! This game is over.
–C train
Overheard by: CPC
Mother: Honey, we’re going to leave if you don’t stop. You already had hot chocolate and a scone.
Toddler: But Mommy, I want another hot chocolate!
Mother, gently sipping her own coffee: Honey, you’re acting like you’re on baby crack.
–Espresso 77, Jackson Heights
Mom with camera, chasing kid: Are you gonna be a weenie, or are you gonna let me take your picture?
Kid: I want to go inside! I’m all wet!
Mom: You are being a weenie!
–Top of Empire State Building [while raining]
Mom: Just stand still, Alyssa. [Little girl tries to reach into mom’s shopping bag.] Don’t touch that! I said don’t touch it! Do you want to go see Santa?
Little girl: Nooo!
Mom: Well, if you keep touching that, I’m going to bring you to see Santa! [Minutes later, girl reaches into bag again.] What did I tell you?! Santa’s gonna get you! He’s gonna come get you in your sleep!
–6 train
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Black mom: You chokin’?
Son: [Choking.]Black mom: Hmmm?
Son: [Choking, grasping at throat.]Black mom, hitting him hard on the back, causing him to cough something up: There. Now quit jumpin’ and movin’ when you eatin’ a lollipop.
–13th & University
Overheard by: Mathew
Angry kid: Man, I’m tired of seeing that naked white fag with the guitar all the time.
Friend: Your dad?
Angry kid: No, you dumb fuck! That freak over there — he’s in postcards and shit. He’s like a celebrity, kinda.
Friend: I think that’s your dad…
Angry kid: Fuck you, ho.
–TKTS station, Times Square
Nanny: So, do you like being poor?
Obviously-not-poor child: Can I have a cookie?
Nanny: Maybe you should think about how you don’t like being poor instead of cookies.
–W 77th, between Broadway & West End
Overheard by: Jen
