WASP lady: Look, Dylan! We’re in the subway! It’s subterranean — that means we’re going to see those subterranean guys!
Five-year-old: Subterranean guys? Whaaat?!
WASP lady: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! [Puts scarf over eyes, like a mask.]Five-year-old: Holy shit, my god! Fuck nooo!
–Penn Station
Young boy, pointing at stack of apple danishes: Mom! Mom! I wanna eat a danish!
Mom: Stanley, you can’t eat cheese, and you can’t eat apples. You know this.
Young boy, exasperated: I know! But I can eat danish!
–Washington Ave & Eastern Pkwy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: xander
Little kid: The sss…
Mother: The Sneetches.
Little kid: Sneetches and uhhh…
Mother: Other.
Little kid: Other sss…
Mother: Stories by Dr. Seuss.
Little kid: Seuss is dead.
–Outside Babbo’s Books
Little Asian girl: But why?
Mom: I don’t know, honey.
Little Asian girl: But why?
Mom: I just said that I don’t know!
Little Asian girl: But why don’t you know, Mommy?
Mom: Because Mommy’s stupid.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Miranda
Little girl, holding up expensive candle: Oooh! Smell this!
Older sister: Smells like a cheap hooker.
–Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Emily B.
Little girl: You keep asking me for money! Forty dollars in two days! And then you ask for more!
Mother, laughing nervously: Yeah…
–East-bound M66 bus
Overheard by: Eric
Preteen boy to another: Yo, he kilt that dude on the court!
Adult chaperone: ‘Kilt’?
Preteen boy: Killed.
Adult chaperone: And what is ‘kilt’?
Preteen boys, in chorus: A vernacular term.
Adult chaperone: That ain’t English.
–8th Ave-bound L train
Overheard by: i seize teaching opportunities too
Train announcer: This is an Eastchester-bound Five train. The next stop is Gun Hill Road.
Little black kid: No, Mommy! Don’t get off there! They’ll gun you on the hill!
Train announcer: This is Gun Hill Road.
Mother: Shut up! You do this every fuckin’ time! Get the hell over it! [Drags screaming child off train.]
–5 train, North Bronx
Overheard by: Benny P!
Little girl: What happened to your glasses?
Little boy: I lost them in my room.
Little girl: That’s dumb of you… But you look much more attractive without them.
Little boy: Thanks!
–Starbucks, 85th & 1st
Overheard by: Micaela
Young girl: I’m bored.
Father: Okay, let’s play the state name alphabet game.
Young girl: Yay!
Father: Okay, here we go — A?
Young girl: Alabama!
Father: Good. B?
Young girl: Bolivia!
Father: No, that’s a city in Spain. Try again.
Young girl: … I can’t!
Father: That’s because there are no states beginning with B! Ha! Gets you every time! Okay — C?
Young girl: Carolina!
Father: Eh, I shouldn’t really give you credit for that… but I guess this time… D?
Young girl: Dashwood!
Father: Dashwood?! What the fuck is Dashwood?! This game is over.
–C train
Overheard by: CPC
