Kids

Happy Sodom & Gomorrah Day, New York!

Lesbian #1: Huh. There seems to be a disproportionate number of queers around here.
Lesbian #2: Darling, we’re on Christopher Street.

–Christopher Street

Boy: Mom, I want gadgets!
Mother: No, Trevor. Not those gadgets.

–Christopher Street

Thug #1: Why would I pay $170 for new Jordans, when I can pay $250 for a pair of Pradas?
Thug #2: I hear dat.
Thug #1: Plus I’m sure to get more ass in Pradas.

–JFK Airtrain

Overheard by: les koh

Latin guy: What are you staring at?
White guy: I can’t get over how beautiful the bartender is. Look at her, she looks like a movie star.
Latin guy: That’s a guy.
White guy: I know.

–The Stonewall, Christopher Street

Chick on cell: Yo, I’m going to that gay parade, those people are doin’ it. Those boys be makin’ each other cum.

–Target, Atlantic Avenue

So is He If He Doesn’t Cool It

There is this guy scratching his balls, going deep. A little girl is around him, and two ladies are about to walk by. After observing the ball scratching and the little girl, one lady says: She is going to be scarred for life.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Tamika J.

Jesus Also Went by “Spike”, But He Had a Reason

Lab coat guy: So, her son’s name is Spike? Who names their kid Spike?
Blue shirt guy: No. His real name is something stupid like Leonard.

–Washington Mutual, 71st & 1st

Crop Dusting: Walking Down the Aisles and Passing Gas

Boy: Does crop dusting exist?
Stewardess: Sure does.
Boy: If it happened to me, I’d have to stop them and say, “Stop crop dusting, farty.”

–Chango, Park Avenue South

That’s When You Lose Your Flower

Little girl: But I want a flower!
Dad: Get married.

–R train

Overheard by: caelwern

It’s Not Actual Living At All

Little UES girl #1: I’ve never been West, but my mom talks about it.
Little UES girl #2: People actually live there.

–M86 bus

Parents: Don’t Let Your Kids Learn About Knifefights on the Street

Two kids find a pocket knife on the train.

Older sister: Yo, I’m gonna bring that shit to school tomorrow!

The younger brother wipes it off with his shirt.

Older sister: No, you gotta leave the dirt on it. Then when I cut that bitch, her face will get all infected and shit.

–F train

Overheard by: erik

Relax, It Was Yo-Yo Instructions

Dad: …you’ve got to use your middle finger.
Son: Which one’s the middle finger?
Dad: This one.
Son: Why’s it called the middle finger?
Dad: Because it’s in the middle of your hand, I guess. There’s two fingers on either side.
Son: That’s retarded.
Dad: It may sound retarded, but that’s the way it is.

–Astoria corner store

That’s Just Begging the Question

Girl: Mommy, why does it smell like pee?
Mother: Because it’s the Port Authority!

–Port Authority newsstand

That Line Would Go Over Better in Chelsea

Puerto Rican kid #1: You shut the fuck up, motherfucker!
Puerto Rican kid #2: Come say that to my face! I’ll brush yo’ teeth with my pee pee!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Yamin Reshamwala

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