Lab coat guy: So, her son’s name is Spike? Who names their kid Spike?
Blue shirt guy: No. His real name is something stupid like Leonard.
–Washington Mutual, 71st & 1st
Lab coat guy: So, her son’s name is Spike? Who names their kid Spike?
Blue shirt guy: No. His real name is something stupid like Leonard.
–Washington Mutual, 71st & 1st
Boy: Does crop dusting exist?
Stewardess: Sure does.
Boy: If it happened to me, I’d have to stop them and say, “Stop crop dusting, farty.”
–Chango, Park Avenue South
Little girl: But I want a flower!
Dad: Get married.
–R train
Overheard by: caelwern
Little UES girl #1: I’ve never been West, but my mom talks about it.
Little UES girl #2: People actually live there.
–M86 bus
Two kids find a pocket knife on the train.
Older sister: Yo, I’m gonna bring that shit to school tomorrow!
The younger brother wipes it off with his shirt.
Older sister: No, you gotta leave the dirt on it. Then when I cut that bitch, her face will get all infected and shit.
–F train
Overheard by: erik
Dad: …you’ve got to use your middle finger.
Son: Which one’s the middle finger?
Dad: This one.
Son: Why’s it called the middle finger?
Dad: Because it’s in the middle of your hand, I guess. There’s two fingers on either side.
Son: That’s retarded.
Dad: It may sound retarded, but that’s the way it is.
–Astoria corner store
Girl: Mommy, why does it smell like pee?
Mother: Because it’s the Port Authority!
–Port Authority newsstand
Puerto Rican kid #1: You shut the fuck up, motherfucker!
Puerto Rican kid #2: Come say that to my face! I’ll brush yo’ teeth with my pee pee!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Yamin Reshamwala
British chick: I just solved my lunch problem, because I hate raw cheese.
–27th Street office
Guy: Bitch, you better give me back my donuts or I’ll pull out your weave.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: Vinson Guthreau
Guy: Nothing like going to Chuck E. Cheese to make you start drinking again.
–82nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: JY
Lady: This is a yuppie McDonald’s. It’s all middle class people here.
–McDonald’s, 47th Street
Overheard by: Christa Bramberger
As a Brooklyn Brewery delivery truck passed a toddler on the sidewalk yelled: I love beer!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: tee sul
Bartender: If the Burp Castle ever closes it means the death of classical music in New York.
–Burp Castle bar, E. 7th Street
Guy on cell: Is this like that time where Laura told me that cat food was Lucky Charms?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Cynthia
Mom: Why don’t you like to play with Tommy? He likes to play with you when you get home from school.
Little girl: I’m very busy, you know. At 6:00, I eat dinner. At 7:00, I brush my teeth. At 8:00, I do my homework. At 9:00 I go to bed. I’m sorry, but Tommy will just have to take a number.
–M14 bus
Chick #1: Y’all heard Denelle pregnant?
Chick #2: Damn, I can’t imagine tryin ta have no baby. If I had a baby then I couldn’t hang out wit y’all no more.
Chick #3: Shit, we need to git you a man, then. I’m tired o’ yo broke ass!
–D train
