Kids

Four-year-old #1 holding out a gummy snack: Is this a Pygmy Marmoset?
Four-year-old #2: That’s a elephant!
Four-year-old #2’s mom: It’s an elephant.
Four-year-old #1: Ugh. I wanted a Pygmy Marmoset.

–Metro-North to Grand Central

Ice cream truck guy to boy on scooter: How are you doing, little man?
Little boy to ice cream guy: How are you doing, faggot?

–Astoria, Queens

Teen: Oh my god! You’re sooo cool.
12-year-old ghetto kid, throwing snappers at him: Fuck you, cracka!

–President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Lucian

Boy, 7: Who’s that guy again?
Mom: Which one?
Boy, 7: Subway.
Mother: Bernard Goetz.

–B48 bus

Little boy watching fireworks: Ew! You farted!
Little girl watching fireworks: No I didn't!
Little boy watching fireworks: Then what was that sound coming from your butt?

–Hudson River Park & 24th St

Overheard by: Eric Schneider

White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I'm in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don't love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!

–49th & 11th

Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine's Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says "I love you" like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother-in-law's face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!

–Metro North Train

Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell-o.

–St. John's University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn't fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

–Jackson Heights

Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I'm in love, she's like the whole package! She's pretty, she's fuckable, and she can cook!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tim

Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!

–Riverside Church

Overheard by: Stephanie

Guy: What would you do if you had plans and then your sister had a baby?
Friend: Ummm… I’d go be with my sister.
Guy: Well, I wouldn’t.

–N train

Overheard by: Katie

12-year-old kid: Shit, man, dem niggas isn’t shit.
Friend: Mmm-hm.
12-year-old kid: Shit, man… Man, I kill bofth dem niggas!
Friend: Mmm-hm, and I’d do it witcha.
12-year-old kid: Mmm-hm.

–188th & Hoffman, Bronx

Overheard by: why do i go to school in the Bronx?

Little girl: Mommy, I don’t want to go to that camp. They worship the devil there.
Mom: Oh, no, that’s just a silly song. Every camp has something silly like that that they do.
Little girl: But Mommy, they sing a song that goes, ‘I love the devil.’
Mom: When you get there you’ll see it’s just a funny game. All kids like to play little games like that.

–Union Square

Eight-year-old girl with babysitter seeing mom on the street: Mommy, why do you smell like alcohol?
Mom: Because it’s Tuesday, sweetie.

–Franklin & Broadway

Overheard by: Carleesto