20-ish girl, looking at armoire: You know what we could do with one of these? If you ever have kids and you don’t want to look at them, you can put them in one of these. [Friend laughs hysterically.] Oh my god, I’ve killed you.
–9th floor of Macy’s, Herald Square
Little girl: Daddy, do people have white hair because they’re old?
Dad: Yes. And, in fact, some people like me have almost no hair at all.
–M86 bus, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Jake
Little girl: You’re like a staircase!
Mother: You’re like a staircase!
Little girl: No, you’re like a staircase!
Mother: How am I like a staircase?
Little girl: Turn around, and be like a staircase!
–11th & 4th
Overheard by: tj
Nine-year-old boy: Would you rather be naked in public or in front of a hundred boys? Including me…
Nine-year-old girl: A hundred boys. Would you rather be naked in front of this whole bus or just this back half?
Nine-year-old boy: Just the back half… Wait… You’re in the back half, right?
–M79 crosstown bus, Central Park
Overheard by: Rachel
Black kid #1, about “Benny and the Jets” on radio: Yo, Benny and the Jets, nigga!
Black kid #2, singing in tune: Benny and my balls!
–A train
Little boy: She’s just a freakin’ cheater. That’s all!
Old lady: Don’t call your mother that.
–79th & 2nd
Child: Mommy, look! Do you see that rat?!
Mother: Yes.
Child: Oooh, Mommy, look! Do you see that piece of paper?!
Mother: Yes.
Child: Oooh, Mommy! Can I bite you?!
Mother: Yes.
–PATH
Kid #1, listening to friend’s ringtones: What the fuck is this?
Kid #2: That’s John Mayer! Don’t you know who John Mayer is?
Kid #1: [Stares silently.]Kid #2: John Mayer! He’s huge! [Turns to address rest of train] Don’t you know who John Mayer is? John Mayer is the nigga!
–A train
Little boy: I saw Bambi at Adam’s house, and did you know that Bambi’s mother died?
Black nanny: I didn’t know that. How did she die?
Little boy: She was shot.
Black nanny: Damn. That’s some Compton shit right there.
–83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: flower and thumper were strapped
Woman: Her daddy is a cardiologist. Do you know what a cardiologist does?
Little boy: Yeah, they cut off people’s ears and send them to Australia.
–75th St & Riverside Dr
Overheard by: must be a body part shortage down under
