Five-year-old boy pointing at large statue of naked man: Look how small his whizzer is, Mommy!
Mother: It’s not nice to point, Jake.
Five-year-old boy: But he’s not a real person… Look how small it is!
–Time Warner Center Mall
Five-year-old boy pointing at large statue of naked man: Look how small his whizzer is, Mommy!
Mother: It’s not nice to point, Jake.
Five-year-old boy: But he’s not a real person… Look how small it is!
–Time Warner Center Mall
Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He’s little and green.
–NYU
12-year-old boy: I’m in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.
–E 20th St
Overheard by: Dia
Customer to cashier: Frodo, it’s been real.
–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin’ chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That’s some bullshit.
–189th & Bathgate
Overheard by: Lyle
Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York — filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!
–6 train
Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.
–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd
Overheard by: Jack
Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!
–Borders
Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.
–42nd & Broadway
Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!
–Wall St & Broadway
11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!
–E train, 50th St
Little girl eying food at counter: Mommy, how much is a dollar?
Absent-minded mother: Thirty-six cents.
–LaGuardia
Dad: You ask too many questions!
Five-year-old son: What time is it?
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Aili
Headline by: Babakganoosh
Runners-Up:
· “Followed By, “Why Is the World Upsidedown? Why Is the Ground Rushing Up at Me So Fast? Where Is All My Blood Going?”” – Falling 80 stories sucks
· “If You’re Gonna Catch a Beating, You May As Well Earn It.” – Xvi
· “It’s Time To Play “Justified Child Abuse”!” – Patrick
· “Preamble to the Slaughter” – Paul Tabachneck
· “Yeah, Well, Wait ’til I Get to the Hard Ones, Like, Is It Okay to Masturbate?” – Chris
Stressed manny watching three kids: Ugh! [Under his breath] I’m gonna kill myself…
Little girl: Here’s a knife [cheerily hands him a butter knife].
–W Hotel Restaurant, 17th & Park
Dad: The invitation says five-thirty, but it probably won’t start until six.
Little girl: Six? I don’t understand — why do they make everyone rush to get here, and then we just have to wait?
—Miss Potter premiere, DGA Theater, 57th & 6th
30-something mom: Here we are. Here we are. Get it? Here we arrre.
Five-year-old daughter: That’s a good one, Mommy.
–R train station, Union St
Overheard by: Tacologic
Thug dad to toddler after bumping stroller down stairs: I call that there ride ‘The Earthquake.’ You like that? … Well, see, you’re too young to appreciate the magnitude of what just happened.
–A train
Overheard by: Stephie
Ghetto mom to seven-year-old kid: You don’t know how to hustle! You ain’t no hustler, she ain’t no hustler… No hustlin’.
–137th & Broadway
Overheard by: should she be saying that to a 7 year old?
Mom to eight-year-old daughter: This is not about apostrophes! This is about verbal agreement!
–F train at Broadway-Lafayette
Mom to son climbing on ferry railing: You wanna jump? I’ll throw you. Then I ain’t gotta buy you no Power Ranger.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: autumn
Mother to three-year-old trailing behind: Stay close, baby, you know how ferry men like to take little boys.
–Whitehall Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Ryn
Mom: Boy, don’t you listen? I swear, I will tear your ass up on this bus in front of everyone if you don’t behave. [Kid ignores her, and mom pulls out cell.] Fine, I’ll call Santa on yo’ misbehavin’ ass.
–BX 21 bus
Woman holding child’s hand: You’re my daughter, right? Okay, good.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Nervous
10-year-old, about two girls walking by: Yo, she’s mad tall! And she’s mad short! That’s mad crazy!
Passerby: I agree!
–Houston & Ave A
Overheard by: The short one.
