Five-year-old girl: … And then he changed seats!
Nanny: Why are you obsessing?
Five-year-old girl: Because boys are weird.
Nanny: Boys will always be weird.
–29th & Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Five-year-old girl: … And then he changed seats!
Nanny: Why are you obsessing?
Five-year-old girl: Because boys are weird.
Nanny: Boys will always be weird.
–29th & Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Little boy, excitedly: Can we go to Chelsea Piers again?!
Mom: No. That would require having money.
–11th & Ave B
Bronx-born bartender: Theses mouses is gangstas up in here!
–Bar, Gramercy Park
Overheard by: Johnny Progrums
Hispanic kid in group: Gah! Not only do they have rats, but they have immigrants!
–34th St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Black queer on cell, flailing arms as rat crosses his path: Oh my god, a giant rat just went by! It was as large as a purse!
–93rd & Broadway
Woman on phone: … So they said, ‘If you found a rat, then you got a free taco…’
–92nd & Lex
Overheard by: Lost my craving for Mexican for dinner
NYU chick: Is that like a rat that masturbates?!
–Carlyle residence hall, Union Square
Overheard by: j
Bimbette #1, reading subway ad: ‘Sleeping with your baby is dangerous, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.’ Hahaha!
Bimbette #2: I’m pretty sure sleeping with your baby is bad no matter what.
Bimbette #3: Except that in, like, every other country besides the United States everyone sleeps on the floor, like, on their mat, with their baby next to them.
–1 train
Overheard by: inge
Young child: Daddy, I don’t want to get run over!
Father, making them jaywalk: Yes, that’s a good philosophy to live by: Don’t get run over.
–12th & Broadway
Asian kid #1: I haven’t eaten Chinese food in so long…
Asian kid #2: You don’t eat Chinese food at home?
Asian kid #1: No… I eat Korean food.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Headline by: noodle
Runners-Up:
· “Ever Since the Animal Shelter Opened Next Door…” – KJM
· “If Your Mom Had Herpes, You’d Order Takeout Too.” – Asian kid #3
· “My Mom’s Trying This Whole “diversity” Thing” – micheleneous
· “The Difference Is in the Cats!” – kerm
· “Your Mom Doesn’t Count” – BSchmidt
Five-year-old boy pointing at large statue of naked man: Look how small his whizzer is, Mommy!
Mother: It’s not nice to point, Jake.
Five-year-old boy: But he’s not a real person… Look how small it is!
–Time Warner Center Mall
Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He’s little and green.
–NYU
12-year-old boy: I’m in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.
–E 20th St
Overheard by: Dia
Customer to cashier: Frodo, it’s been real.
–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin’ chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That’s some bullshit.
–189th & Bathgate
Overheard by: Lyle
Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York — filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!
–6 train
Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.
–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd
Overheard by: Jack
Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!
–Borders
Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.
–42nd & Broadway
Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!
–Wall St & Broadway
11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!
–E train, 50th St
Little girl eying food at counter: Mommy, how much is a dollar?
Absent-minded mother: Thirty-six cents.
–LaGuardia
