Guy: Golden retrievers are beautiful animals. If I were a golden retriever, I would be so vain!
–Shade, Sullivan Street
Guy on cell: Oh, you want a doggy treat? When I get home I’ll give you a big fat bone.
–34th & 8th
Woman: Peter! Dog poop is not a toy!
–CPW & 65th Street
Overheard by: Johnathan
Mom: I know you would love homeschooling but you would have to be really sick or have a broken leg or something.
Son: Then why won’t you just break my leg?
–Lexington & 63rd
Overheard by: Christopher
Little girl, 3: Daddy, can we hear about Pythagoras again?
–116th Street station
Overheard by: djlindee
Little kid: Mama, Mama! Where are all those bunnies we saw last night? Where are those bunnies? We have to find the bunnies again, Mama!
Lady: Aww! Where were the bunnies you saw, Cole?
Mother: Actually Cole, those were rats.
–Fulton Street
Overheard by: Jess Kimball
Mom: If you don’t get up off that bench, I’m gonna kick your ass.
Boy: Can’t kick my ass if I’m sitting on it, can ya?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jessica
Mother: Honey! Why are you walking on your knees?
Little girl: Because my feet hurt.
–50th & 8th
Pregnant chick: You know when I pop this bitch out it is on. Get me a drink!
–2/3 train
Mother: Come here. You’re seven years old and you can’t fasten your own shoelaces? No more video games for your black ass.
–W. 53rd & 10th
Overheard by: James Shannon
Queer: You know, she sent her children to England, so they’d learn how to pronunciate words correctly.
–Angelo’s, 55th Street
Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.
–G train
Overheard by: Ocera
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: Lizzy
Middle aged guy: So she makes six figures, she’s 40, and she lives at home with her mother?
Middle aged woman: Can you believe it? She has a son, too, but he lives on his own. Can you fucking believe that?
Middle aged guy: Jesus!
–2 train
Overheard by: Mike Sidoti
Little girl #1: My dad wants to write books but doesn’t.
Little girl #2: Why not?
Little girl #1: Well, he’s busy.
Little girl #2: Why doesn’t he just quit his job and start writing a book?
Little girl #1: I dunno…maybe because we won’t have any money?
Little girl #3: Ooh, then you could move to Vermont!
–F train
