Guy: Are you okay?
Girl, looking sickly: Oh, I’m fine.
Guy: Okay, as long as nothing untoward happens.
Girl: You mean, like, toward your crotch?
Guy: Um, what?
Girl: Don’t worry, I won’t throw up on you or try to give you head.
Guy: Uh, okay…
–F train
Impatient, middle-aged Caribbean woman in bathroom line: There should be more women’s rooms.
Equally impatient 20-ish woman: Yeah, I know… It’s because men designed these buildings.
–JFK
Overheard by: Nina
Angry man pulling out of stadium lot: You’ve got to be nice to people…!
Parking attendant: I am nice. Don’t start this. This is not your lot, this is my lot. I was born in this lot.
–Yankee Stadium parking lot
Overheard by: Lucia
Short guy, stepping on tall guy’s heel: Sorry.
Tall guy: Yeah.
Short guy: I said I was sorry!
Tall guy: What?
Short guy: I said I was sorry, alright?
Tall guy: Okay, whatever–
Short guy: –Well, say something, asshole!
Tall guy: Fuck off!
Short guy: What?!
Tall guy: Fuck off! Fuck off!
Short guy: Yeah, yeah…
–43rd & 8th
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Bearded motorcyclist, after being cut off: Hey, fucker!
Meek guy in Honda, out window: Sorry, sir.
–15th St & West Side Hwy
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Man: Excuse me, miss, do you have the time?
Girl with headphones: No thanks, I have a boyfriend.
–PATH train, 33rd St
Smirking biker: Beep beep!
Angry girl: You ain’t a car!
–Lincoln Center
Snotty woman: Excuse me, your friend is throwing up. You need to do something about it.
Drunk girl: I didn’t throw up, I fucking spit.
Friend: Shhh… Just ignore her.
Drunk girl: No, she’s a bitch. I didn’t do anything. I want to spit on her.
Friend: No! Let’s go find another place to stand. [Drunk girl turns and spits on woman as she’s leaving.] I can’t believe you just did that! Walk faster before you get arrested!
–5th Ave
Lady: Stop it!
Rambunctious toddler: You shouldn’t even be on this train!
Lady: Why?
Rambunctious toddler: Because I’ll poop in your hair!
Lady: Poop in my hair? I’ll poop in your mouth!
–N train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Steve
Guy #1: Yo, that chick over there has huge tits. You think she’s hot?
Guy #2: Shit, man, definitely.
Guy #1: Man, we should totally be roommates next year.
Guy #2: God, you’re right. [Sip their beers and walk away from each other.]
–Bar, LES
