Well-meaning volunteer: Help yourself, free condoms from the department of public health.
Hugely pregnant passerby: Too late.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: Katie

Teen girl: Yeah, I'll talk to you on Facebook.
Man in truck, overhearing: I have Facebook too! Add me!

–Lower East Side

Big Guido, yelling at female bystanders after minor traffic accident: Why don’t you shut the fuck up and get something to do… go suck a dick somewhere!
Woman bystander: Well, I’d suck you if you weren’t so small…

–55th & Madison

Overheard by: kerstin

40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Hey! How's it going?! Where are you from?
40-something regular guy: Seattle. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Newport Beach, California! What are you off to do?
40-something regular guy: Dinner and some drinks with friends. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Me and a buddy are going to take mushrooms and go see Young Frankenstein for the third time! It's hilarious when you're high!

–Elevator, Sheraton Hotel

Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.

–1 Train

Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I'd get a plane ticket right now, but it'd be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Oliver

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thompson

Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!

–Union Square

Woman looking for friend who got lost in massive crowd: Marco! Marco!
Massive crowd of people: Polo!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Julia

Guy, during pillow fight: I’m afraid my pillow has all these STDs now!
Girl: Hellooo, you can’t transmit STDs pillow-to-pillow!

–Union Square

Man reciting gospel on a train: And you, sir, have you accepted Jesus into your life?
Passenger: A long time ago, baby. Now fuck off.

–1 Train

Guy #1: (howls like an animal)
Guy #2: (makes owl noise and starts hooting)
Group of people, including guys #1 and #2: (all start making animal calls, screams, hoots etc)
Man #1 on train: Shut the fuck up!
Group of howlers: (sporadically throws in more animal noises and then profusely thanks the glaring audience as they exit train)
Man#2 on train: At least they're someone else's problem now.
Man#1 on train: I'm never going to Brooklyn again.

–F Train

Overheard by: it only takes 3 stops to decide

Curious spectator: Are greyhounds easy to live with?
Greyhound owner: Honey, in the past forty years, I've had three husbands and only one breed of dog!

–Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show

Overheard by: Another Greyhound Lover