Voice #1: I'm in the wrong bathroom!
Voice #2: I'm in the wrong bathroom, too!


Younger heavy metal guy with older coworkers: I never find the right size of long johns in the winter, so I buy women's tights instead. (older coworkers look at him in shock) What? I was kidding! Morning humor, you know.
Macho guy sitting behind: Yeah, women's tights make your junk look bigger!

Commuter Train

Overheard by: strictly boxers.

Princess at front of bus: … And I went through seven laptops in high school.
Passenger: Oh, yeah? I went through ten laptops in high school!
Princess, offended: It’s rude to eavesdrop, you know!

5 bus
San Francisco, California

Attractive passerby: And then she was all like, “my parents would never press charges against you.” And I was so touched…

Houston, Texas

Enraged Frenchman to woman and son who is discreetly peeing on wall: What is wrong with you? Find a bathroom, this is a business! (starts walking away and then comes to a woman and her teenage daughter sitting on steps) And you two, get out! What are you, from the mountains? (to himself, walking away) Oh my god! I don't believe this!


Guy forcing way through crowded dance floor: Excuse me, you fucking beautiful bitch.
Girl, stepping aside, then suddenly turning to friend: Should I be offended?

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: elise

Man: … With my wife.
Woman: Oh, you’re married?
Man: Yeah, and I have a four-month-old baby girl.
Woman: What’s her name?
Man: Widget.
Woman: Oh, that’s cute.

Toronto, Ontario

Overheard by: Nick B

20-ish girl #1: Yeah, I was called ‘Sweet Pea’ all the time when I was little.
20-ish girl #2: To this day my dad calls me ‘Peanut.’
Fat lady nearby, to no one: Yeah, I got a nickname, too. They call me ‘Jiggly Puff.’

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida

Overheard by: I can’t imagine why.

Leader of group of nervous teens: Hey, do you sell rolling papers here… for tobacco?
Convenience store clerk: Sorry, man. We’ve only got ones for pot.

Noland Road
Independence, Missouri

Overheard by: snickering customer behind them

Churchgoer to another: Did you fart? Something smells like buttermilk.

Methodist Church
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Nick