Mother to daughter: Come on!
(daughter rolls eyes and follows)
Random man to young girl: Is that your mother? You should be thrilled! Mine's dead!

Marin County, California

Passerby: Oh my god! Look at that woman’s outfi– Oh, never mind. She’s ethnic, it’s okay.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Rasputin

Cheerful guard examining passport photo: What, no smile?
Dour Canadian: No. In Canada we do not have to smile.

O’Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Old guy to total stranger celebrating birthday: When you're young you can make love to six women at a time, but when you're old you can only make love to three women at a time.
Birthday man: Three women is plenty for me.
Old guy: Don't tell anyone I said that to you.

Overheard by: coco

50-something white-haired British guy: I know you!
Stranger: No sir, we haven't met.
50-something white-haired British guy: I remember you from before!
Stranger: I'm sorry sir, I just don't remember you.
50-something white-haired British guy: I was there too! We were both knights of Templar! You were Mary Magdalene's personal guard… How have you been all these years!?

Grand Canyon

Overheard by: J

Hobo, panhandling to passer-bys: Can anyone spare some change so I can buy a little wine, some booze, some cheese, a little pot… Maybe some nuclear weapons…


Overheard by:

Pretty lady: You say a lot of bad words. Some people say that happens when you don’t have the intelligence to express your self otherwise.
College kid: That ain’t the case with me. I got a fuckin’ vocabulary, man. I just use words everyone understands, like ‘shit’ and ‘fuck’ and what-not, so I don’t obfuscate my meaning.

Panama City, Panama

Bus driver: So who else is gonna be there?
Passenger: Chicken boy will be there.
Bus driver: “Chicken boy”?
Passenger: Yeah, you know Dave*. That fool always smells like chicken! I always thought it was just me but at a party last week Elizabeth* and her friends all called him “chicken boy” too!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Dawn

Man #1: Are these seats taken?
Man #2: No, they are not, but I have to warn you — we both had Chinese food for dinner, so we are going to have some major gas in a little bit.
Man #1: That’s fine, we had Thai.
Man #2: Oh, then we’re even. Have a seat.

Consolidated Theaters
Silver Spring, Maryland

Overheard by: feeling a little gassy myself

Middle-aged woman to 20-something: I never knew there was that much variety in shape, size, color and girth. I’m talking about butt plugs. Oh, I’m sorry. You look shocked. I forgot — you’re just a librarian.

Wedding reception, Caesar’s Palace, 3570 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Sarah