White guy: Excuse me, sir?
Black guy: What’s up papi?
White guy: I’m trying to get to 14th Street.
Black guy: You’re in the South Bronx papi.
White guy: Holy shit! How do I get the fuck out of here?
The black guy laughs and walks away.
–149th & 3rd
Guy #1: So, is that Central Park over there? [points to a particularily wooded area across 6th avenue]
Guy #2: Nope.
Guy #1: So then it’s Union Square, right?
Guy #2: Nope, it’s neither.
Guy #1: So basically, those are just a bunch of trees?
Guy #2: Yup.
–MacDougal & Bleecker
Tourist girl #1: You stand in front of me..and you stand in back of me.
Tourist girl #2: Why?
Tourist girl #1: You guys are my stab buffer. I’m just taking the necessary safety precautions.
–Times Square
Guy: [really loudly] Fuck! Shit! Boobs!
Girl: Stop it! Screaming profanities isn’t going to get you on Overheard in New York.
Guy: But today’s our last day in the city and it’s my last chance!
Girl: So you develop Tourette’s?
Guy: Shhh! Stop calling me a tourist!
–John & Water
Overheard by: Gillian
Hipster #1: But look how easy it is to pick out the tourists. I mean, look, there’s a tourist. There’s a tourist. It’s so frickin’ easy to tell who belongs here and who doesn’t.
Hipster #2: Yeah, like why don’t they even try to blend in while they’re here? It’s like they’re trying to be Greek when they’re in Rome.
Hipster #1 is totally lost.
Hipster #2: You know, ’cause when you’re in Rome, you’re supposed to act Roman.
Hipster #1: Oh, I’ve never been to Italy.
–6 train
Overheard by: The tourist in their midst
Woman: Oh my God, is there a bathroom at the next stop? I just felt the rumblings of the Communist invasion, and I’m less than prepared.
Man: Fucking tourist.
–F train
Overheard by: Rachel Bloch
Tourist #1: You know that song that Billy Strayhorn wrote, called “Take The A Train”? He wrote it about taking the A train up to Harlem, and then he gave it to Duke Ellington. The rest is history.
Tourist #2: Who’s Duke Ellington?
Tourist #1: Never mind!
–A train
Tourist girl #1: Oh my God, I feel like I’m in Sex and the City!
Tourist girl #2: Shut up, the natives can hear you.
–Central Park station
Overheard by: Spazza McChicken
Tourist lady: Does this train go to 9/11?
Man: what?
Tourist lady: I want to see 9/11.
Man: You mean World Trade Center?
Tourist lady: No, I mean 9/11.
Other tourist lady: Oh no, you want the E train. I had this problem yesterday. New Yorkers are so unhelpful
Stunned silence all the way to 42nd St.
–Downtown C train, 50th St.
Promoter guy: Do you guys want to see a comedy show?
Tourist mom: Oh, sorry, we have an opera tonight.
Promoter guy: Oh! Fidelio?
Tourist mom: No, Phantom.
–45th & Broadway
Overheard by: Andy Hobin
