You Can’t See the Forest for the Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: I got out on the wing and said, ‘I’m not going.’ He said, ‘I paid 10 grand to fuel this jet!’ and he pushed me off… Well, I didn’t control it too good. I wound up in a tree and it took three hours to get me down… I was just all cut up by the branches…

–Bagels Supreme, Brooklyn

Woman to boyfriend: I didn’t know you could see individual leaves on a tree.

–A/C/E train

Overheard by: Monica

Dude: What’s beer without a Christmas tree?

–5th Ave

Woman on cell: I saw her sitting in the litter box, and then she looked at me and she shot it up into the plants!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Beck

Tourist mom to daughter with camera: Look, a tree! A tree! You can tell everyone you took a picture of a tree in Central Park!

–Central Park

Lady on cell: What did I do yesterday? Well, I finally took down the Christmas tree.