Florist #1 (hanging up the phone) We just got a funeral.
Florist #2: Man or woman?
Florist #1: Man.
Florist #2: Goddammit! We have all these pink roses and nothing we can use them for!
Florist #1: We could always use them and hope that he was a flamer.
–Flower Shop, Greenwich Village
Crazy lady, pointing at Christmas tree: Is the tree real?
Doorman: Yes, ma’am.
Crazy lady: Can I go smell the tree?
Doorman: Yes, ma’am.
Crazy lady, going over to tree: Can ah smell yo, tree? (giggles)
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Neck Twister
Male hipster: I was all excited for Central Park, you know, and then I remembered: I’ve seen trees before.
–Central Park
Tourist, looking at souvenir photos of Central Park: You never realize how… central it is.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Xanthias
Tourist, looking down at map: Wait a second, guys, I can’t find Central Park.
–Penn Station
Overdressed, overly made‐up girl: The thing I don’t like about Central Park is that it’s too much like a forest.
–Central Park
College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn’t go out!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Noemi
Shabby‐looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.
–5 Train
20‐something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: M
Guy on cell: I swear I didn’t have sex with her when I was in Norway.
–Lower East Side
50‐something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non‐stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…
–LIRR
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.
–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria
(little girl finishes petting a stranger’s dog)
Girl’s mother: Now say “thank you” to its human.
–Central Park Lawn
Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?
–La Pallette, 12th St
Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy’s paws smell really seal it.
–Rosa’s Pizza, Penn Station
Overheard by: Craig
Young daughter: Daddy, daddy! What’s that?
Father: Umm…that’s just grass, sweetie.
Young daughter: It’s pretty!
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Student to another: Marcus, did I blow that tree?
Marcus: What?
–Pratt Institute
Guy on cell, screaming : Did you or did you not give that guy a blowjob in the parking lot?
–3rd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: JC
Hot girl talking to hot friend: He said blowjobs are like flowers for guys. Do I get flowers everyday? No! So why should he, right?
–C Train
Screaming bag lady: He asked me to suck his dick. I don’t suck dick, I’m homeless.
–125th St
Overheard by: Reilly
Guy on cell: How’s her gag reflex? Because that’s a great way to make up for stupid.
–5th & 83rd
Overheard by: Kelly
Guy to another: Greg, do you want your cock sucked tonight? Then get in the car! (other guy hastily gets in car)
–The Village
Large man #1, watching women delivering flowers: (grumbles)
Large man #2: What? What do you want flowers for?
Large man #1: They might open up, you know, look pretty.
Large man #2: No! You don’t get no flowers! You’re a man!
–Community Center, East Village
Overheard by: Flower Power
Tourist #1: I didn’t see any strawberry bushes.
Tourist #2: Yeah, I don’t think I did either.
Tourist #1: False advertising again!
–Strawberry Fields
