Trees and plants

Florist #1 (hanging up the phone) We just got a funeral.
Florist #2: Man or woman?
Florist #1: Man.
Florist #2: Goddammit! We have all these pink roses and nothing we can use them for!
Florist #1: We could always use them and hope that he was a flamer.

–Flower Shop, Greenwich Village

Crazy lady, pointing at Christmas tree: Is the tree real?
Doorman: Yes, ma’am.
Crazy lady: Can I go smell the tree?
Doorman: Yes, ma’am.
Crazy lady, going over to tree: Can ah smell yo, tree? (giggles)

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Neck Twister

Male hipster: I was all excited for Central Park, you know, and then I remembered: I’ve seen trees before.

–Central Park

Tourist, looking at souvenir photos of Central Park: You never realize how… central it is.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Xanthias

Tourist, looking down at map: Wait a second, guys, I can’t find Central Park.

–Penn Station

Overdressed, overly made‐up girl: The thing I don’t like about Central Park is that it’s too much like a forest.

–Central Park

College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn’t go out!


Overheard by: Noemi

Shabby‐looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.

–5 Train

20‐something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: M

Guy on cell: I swear I didn’t have sex with her when I was in Norway.

–Lower East Side

50‐something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non‐stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…


Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger’s dog)
Girl’s mother: Now say “thank you” to its human.

–Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

–La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy’s paws smell really seal it.

–Rosa’s Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig

Young daughter: Daddy, daddy! What’s that?
Father: Umm…that’s just grass, sweetie.
Young daughter: It’s pretty!

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Student to another: Marcus, did I blow that tree?
Marcus: What?

–Pratt Institute

Guy on cell, screaming : Did you or did you not give that guy a blowjob in the parking lot?

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: JC

Hot girl talking to hot friend: He said blowjobs are like flowers for guys. Do I get flowers everyday? No! So why should he, right?

–C Train

Screaming bag lady: He asked me to suck his dick. I don’t suck dick, I’m homeless.

–125th St

Overheard by: Reilly

Guy on cell: How’s her gag reflex? Because that’s a great way to make up for stupid.

–5th & 83rd

Overheard by: Kelly

Guy to another: Greg, do you want your cock sucked tonight? Then get in the car! (other guy hastily gets in car)

–The Village

Large man #1, watching women delivering flowers: (grumbles)
Large man #2: What? What do you want flowers for?
Large man #1: They might open up, you know, look pretty.
Large man #2: No! You don’t get no flowers! You’re a man!

–Community Center, East Village

Overheard by: Flower Power

Tourist #1: I didn’t see any strawberry bushes.
Tourist #2: Yeah, I don’t think I did either.
Tourist #1: False advertising again!

–Strawberry Fields