Elegantly dressed woman: I don't remember what happened last night, but I feel like I need to plant a tree or something to make up for it.
Attractive friend: What does that even mean?
Elegantly dressed woman: I don't know.
Attractive friend: I drank so much… I killed a tree?
–A Train
Girl #1: So, like Buddhist worship cows. They feel like they are sacred and don't eat them, or milk them, or nothing…
Girl #2: Aw, shit! For real?
Girl #1: Yeah, most of them are vegetarians. They don't eat anything that's alive, or has a soul, or something… Cause you can be reincarnated into something you can eat.
Girl #2: So what do vegetarians eat?
Girl #1, staring blankly: What?
Girl #2: What do vegetarians eat?
Girl #1: They're vegetarians! (giggles) Fuck! Vegetables! (rolls eyes, then laughs)
Girl #2, looking oddly: But trees are alive.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Brownsugarwater
Girl #1, touching bamboo sculpture: Rose, how do you think they're gonna get this down?
Girl #2: I dunno, untie it?
Girl #1: But I mean… Are they gonna, like, move it to a warehouse or, like, incinerate it? That's super not ecologically sound.
Girl #2: Um…
Girl #1: Fuck! They should just put pandas up here. Like a shit-ton of pandas. One, pandas eat bamboo. B, it would get the job done fast and all that would be left is the rope. Three, the more pandas eat, the stronger they get; the stronger they get, the more they bone, and then they're less endangered. Four, it would be really cute on the news, and… Five? Dude, pandas!
Girl #2: Are you high?
Girl #1: I've just had a Riesen.
–Roof Garden, The Met
Woman #1: Why are there chives so much better than my chives?
Woman #2: Because they water theirs.
–Farmers Market, Union Square
Older black woman on cell, screaming: There are no leaves on the floor. No! No fucking leaves on the floor. The fucking leaves are green and still in the trees. Did you hear me?
–7th Ave & W 18th
Ghetto Spanish chick on cell: Oh my god, you got your tree? A pink tree!? Say, word… I'ma come by after work to see your pink tree. I never seen a pink tree before! Is it real?
–4 Train
Overheard by: DCBX
Sad 13-year-old to friend, in total seriousness: Right now… Here in social studies… My FarmVille crops are dying!
–Middle school, Coney Island
Blonde hipster to blonder hipster: So I told her, "you can take everything, but at least leave me the front lawn."
–Gramercy
Man in bar, with the air of explaining a very simple concept: We need to shoot every fucking robber in the head, right? Then there would be no robbers.
–Midtown
Mom to son picking leaves off a potted plant: You better stop doing that or else they'll shoot you.
–Roosevelt Island Golf Center
Overheard by: erak
40-something female suit: I'm looking for a particular kind of venom for my blow-gun darts.
–The High Line
60-something woman to two admiring 30-something women: My body no longer produces estrogen and I carry a gun in my purse… Who's going to mess with me?
–Prince & Sullivan
Grizzly-faced tourist: Yeah, you see those trees over there?
Companion: Yeah.
Grizzly-faced tourist: Those were here when New York was invented by Ed Koch.
–Central Park West & 72nd St
Hobo: Can you give me five dollars?
Lady walking past: No.
Hobo: Pine cones are very good for you.
Lady: Um… Okay.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Lisa
Girl holding orchid: Orchids are the thinking man's rose.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Samantha
Hipster girl to hipster guy: I'm telling you, these trees smell like semen.
–10th St b/w 1st & Ave A
Overheard by: Libby
Disheveled hobo to granola-looking lady with khaki shorts, matching hat, and three-foot braided ponytail: You goin' on a nature walk, baby? I'd like to take a hike with you and make sweet love beside a pine tree.
–89th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
20-something hipster: He face-planted into my potted plant, and then later he pissed himself.
–Gowanus Yacht Club, Brooklyn
Overheard by: big bad don
Drunk girl, seeing tree fallen on car after rainstorm: Officer, it was the wind!
Police officer: Good detective work.
Passerby: Case solved.
–3rd St & Ave A
