Mom: Please eat your dinner.
Brat: Mommy, you’re meaner than God.
–Restaurant, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Nikki Apostolou
Mom: Please eat your dinner.
Brat: Mommy, you’re meaner than God.
–Restaurant, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Nikki Apostolou
Lawyer at deposition: What is your native language?
West Indian woman, offended: English!
Lawyer: Lady, you must speak some other language, because I’ve been questioning you for an hour and I haven’t understood a goddamn word you said.
–Supreme Court, 360 Adams St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
D.A.R.E. volunteer: Sir, before you leave, would you please–
Rushing guy, interrupting: –Do I look like I just say no to drugs?
D.A.R.E. volunteer: We don’t pre-judge people.
–Outside Marshalls, Atlantic Center, Brooklyn
Overheard by: DARE to say yes
Eight-year-old boy: So they were poisoned?
Mom: Yes.
Eight-year-old boy: Like the monkey?
Mom: No, like the boy with the Tic Tacs.
Eight-year-old-boy: Oh.
–55 Water St
Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
Swimming instructor to three-year-olds: Okay, guys, hug your boogie board to your body like your teddy bear. Kirk, do you have a teddy bear?
Kirk: Yes. I also have a moose that uses my daddy’s brain to talk.
–Red Hook Public Pool
Overheard by: ibenin’
Self-satisfied girl: I’m not sure how I feel about democracy. I mean, I enjoy the benefits, but it’s like they say, ‘Democracy is the worst form of government except for all the other ones.’
Dude: That’s great! Who said that?
Self-satisfied girl: That guy de Tocqueville. You know, that little prince guy that came over here for a while. He taught us so much about ourselves.
Dude: That is so interesting.
–Court & Dean
Overheard by: lish
Panhandler: I scored 50 bucks off those assholes today.
Drug dealer: Sweet. You wanna buy some pot?
Panhandler: Yup. Gimme 50 bucks worth.
–St. John’s Pl & Underhill Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: someone who always suspected this
Teen girl #1: See, this is why we can’t be friends.
Teen girl #2: What? We can’t be friends because I won’t join you in an orgy.
Teen girl #1: Yes, exactly.
–74th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dani
Guy: They have biodegradable scrubbies.
Chick: Mmm-hmmm, yeah.
Guy: What the hell does that mean?
–The Fairway, Red Hook
Overheard by: Kyle
Girlfriend: There’s too many roaches in the apartment!
Boyfriend: Look, no matter where you go in New York there’s going to be a lot of roaches.
Girlfriend: Shut up! I’m from the goddamn city! I don’t want roaches crawling on me when I’m pooping!
–Maujer St, Brooklyn
