Wife: Well, we need to hurry. They’re waiting downstairs.
Husband: Well, I was ready to go ages ago. I’m hot, tired, and my rash is spreading.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Becca
Wife: Well, we need to hurry. They’re waiting downstairs.
Husband: Well, I was ready to go ages ago. I’m hot, tired, and my rash is spreading.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Becca
Girlfriend: Wait, I don’t get it.
Boyfriend: Awww, honey, you’re so adorable when you have no idea what’s going on.
Girlfriend: … Faggot!
–Waverly Pl & University
Girlfriend: I was so sick yesterday until I finally went to the doctor.
Boyfriend: Oh, no! What was wrong?
Girlfriend: Well, um, you’ll find out anyway… I had a UTI. I mean, it’s not an STD, but you can get it from sex…
Boyfriend: But we haven’t been doing it that much!
–1 train
Girl cooing at boyfriend: You know, I just wanted a mature guy — they’re so rare! And you’re very mature in your outlook.
Boyfriend: I am mature. I’m glad you see th– Oh, look — Playboy Enterprises!
–5th Ave
Punk girl: The two of you seemed to get along at the party.
Mechanic guy: Yeah, he’s cool. We should hang out more.
Punk girl: You’re kidding, right? You’re so not getting all BFF with my husband.
Mechanic guy: Why not? Because we’re fucking? He has no idea.
Punk girl: My husband and my side fuck can not be friends. It just doesn’t work.
–W train
Overheard by: green with envy
Husband: We’ll go to the museum around four.
Wife: I don’t know…
Husband: Come on, Marge. You love everyone at the museum. Except Yasser Arafat.
–Hampton Inn
Overheard by: Leah
20-ish female tourist: My feet are killing me. I shouldn’t have worn heels.
20-ish boyfriend: Heels aren’t that bad. I wore them and a dress for a play in eighth grade.
20-ish female tourist: My dad loves dressing up as a woman.
–C train, Port Authority
Girlfriend: I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I just keep falling asleep at the oddest times. I think I may be suffering from necrophilia.
Boyfriend: I sure hope you mean narcolepsy.
Girlfriend: Oh, yeah. I always get those confused.
Boyfriend: Well, as long as it’s only the definitions that you confuse and not the symptoms…
–Grand Central
Woman, while hugging man: What is this?
Man: Huh?
Woman, picking hair off his shirt: This is not my hair!
–42nd St station
Overheard by: Geneedwin
Chick changing baby on bedding display: Do we need to buy this pillow now?
Hubby: Did he shit on it?
Chick: I don’t think.
Hubby, smelling pillow: S’all good.
Chick, holding dirty diaper and wipes: Where’s that shelf with the trash cans?
–Target, Queens
Headline by: Redneck Jedi
Runners-Up:
· “Mentioning Britney Spears Would Just Be Too Easy” – chelsea
· “Over There, Under the Security Cameras” – Katy
· “Over by That Sense Of Decency You Apparently Can’t Afford.” – Beryl
· “The New York Native Living Off The Land” – harris
· “Wait.. for the Baby or the Diaper..?” – Mike N.
· “Where Do They Think They Are? WalMart?” – Bill
