UES wife: So, what do you do?
20-something guy: I teach high school math.
UES husband: Oh, where at?
UES wife: Stuyvesant?
20-something guy: Um, no. It’s called ‘City-As-School.’
UES wife: Ohhh, is that one of those ‘special’ high schools?
20-something guy: I guess. Well, I mean, they’re all special.
–ICE, 6th & 23rd
Overheard by: office peon
Fat lady elbowing her way onto train: Shit, they need to get some bigger subway cars.
–6 train, 28th St
Wife to hubby, after daughter got up from table: She still has a big ass and thighs, but she’s getting better.
–City Bakery, W 18th St
Overheard by: katherine
Man holding huge burger in small bun: Dude! This is like a fat man in spandex!
–Upper West Side
Blonde rubbing grouchy guy’s head: I’m sorry, baby, but you know how I get around fat people, and those two women were huge! Just disgusting!
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Ryan
Hobo: Anyone have a dollar? Anyone? I’m askin’ because all you ladies are beautiful. I don’t bother with ugly people or fat people! They just have problems. Their wife is cheating on them? It’s my fault! No, I just walk on by all those fat people.
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: Colleen
Mom to six-year-old son: Junk food is crap. If you eat it, you will be fat. Like Mommy.
–Central Park
Woman: Well, I’ll tell you one thing — if you ever show up late again, I will have to refer to you as my late husband.
Man: Uh, you do know what that connotates?
Woman: Yep.
–Q train
Angry girlfriend: I don’t want you to challenge me on anything!
Boyfriend: [Silence.]Angry girlfriend: I don’t want you to tell me I’m wrong!
Boyfriend: [Silence.]Angry girlfriend: If you’re not going to tell me I’m correct, just don’t talk anymore.
–F train
Overheard by: Colleen
Boyfriend, under his breath: I really need to find a dark corner.
Girlfriend, loudly: You could just pee in my mouth!
–10th & Broadway
Wife: Okay, so he said a right, and then a left at flatware…
Husband: And then follow the yellow brick road?
–Bed, Bath & Beyond, Chelsea
Overheard by: jackattack
Lady: Pay attention! My legs don’t stop there.
Hubby: But yo’ pants do.
–E 12th & Ave A
Overheard by: Bases McGee
Upset girlfriend, hitting boyfriend: Look at you! There you go again!
Boyfriend, caught looking: What?! She was looking at me.
Girlfriend: How you know? How you know?!
–Court Square
Overheard by: Running Late
Woman: I mean, chicken nuggets go straight to your ass.
Man: At least my tits don’t sag.
–42nd & 8th
Woman, about Hairspray: Harold, except for the finale number, I thought it wasn’t anything special. All the screaming and the jumping and the music…
Man: You’re right, Doris.
Woman: You know what was the golden era of the Broadway? The really good shows, Harold?
Man: What were they, Doris?
Woman: The Cats, The Les Mis, The Phantoms… That was the zenith, Harold. This one — I don’t know what it is.
Man: Me neither, Doris. Me neither.
–52nd St
Overheard by: izzy
