Which Came First, Wednesday, or the One-Liner?

Girl: As long as I don’t get that anthrax thingy I’m cool with the chicken.

–Elevator 112 west 34th st

Overheard by: Rebecca

Five-year-old: Why do babies look like chickens?

–Nederlander Theatre

Overheard by: Jordan

Man explaining menu to wife: You know fried chicken: the chicken with the crust.

–Virgils BBQ, 44th St

Overheard by: fish

Teacher, after seeing one of her seven-year-old students smell an empty subway seat: Sienna, there are 10,000 people a day sitting in that very seat. What do you think it would smell like? Chicken?

–F Train

Overheard by: Marlene Saunders

Woman to man: Everyone loves when you throw the chicken.

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Elevators, Fears, Food, Girls, Illness, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Women, Words

Because I’ll Swallow Anything

Guy: That’s the house George Washington grew up in.
Girl: Wait, really?
Guy: No, you dumb bitch. Why did I ever marry you?

–70th Ave, Forest Hills, Queens

Overheard by: emma

Posted on May 10, 2008
Couples, Default, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Queens, Questions, Stupidity

Translation: “Die, Shrew. Die! Die!“

Wifey: Did you just see what happened?
Husband: Yes.
Wifey: That’s why you need to let people off the train first before you try to get on.
Husband: Okay.
Wifey: Next time, just follow me okay?
Husband, disgruntled: Okay.
[Wifey starts reading a book and hubby starts reading his morning newspaper.]Wifey, glancing at husband: You really need to clean your ears out -you have a big piece of wax in your ear!
Husband: Thanks for letting me know.
Wifey: No problem.

–N Train

Posted on May 4, 2008
Advice, Body Parts, Couples, Default, Excretions, Health and Hygiene, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness, Women

We Can Stand on the Platform All Night and Pretend We’re Waiting for the G

Nineteen-year-old guy: So do you want to try role playing tonight?
Nineteen-year-old girlfriend: What?!
Nineteen-year-old guy: You know, like let’s pretend we’re from Brooklyn.

–120th & Broadway

Overheard by: Heather V

Posted on April 26, 2008
Boyfriends, Couples, Default, Fakes, Girlfriends, Lower East Side, NYC Geography, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

Like, Sleeping-with-Men Disgusting

Lesbian #1: Let’s have seven babies and open an organic bakery in Vermont.
Lesbian #2: That sounds disgusting.

–Williamsburg

Posted on April 22, 2008
Babies, Couples, Default, Jobs & Careers, Lesbians, Offers and requests, U.S. Geography, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

But It’s So Sexy When She Cleans Herself with Her Tongue

Guy: Do we have to get it spayed? I mean, male cats spray — what do females do?
Girl: They whine and howl and bleed all over the place.
Guy: So they do just what you do?
Girl: Basically, yeah.

–Columbia University

Posted on March 23, 2008
Columbia (& Barnard), Couples, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Menstruation, Private Parts, We Love Our Pets

What Retired Spies Do for Entertainment

Wife: So, I’m allergic to cats.
Husband: And I’m allergic to dogs.
Wife: So there was no choice, really.
Old guy: But aren’t ferrets illegal here?
Husband: If the city can let those damn marsupial-sized rats run around the tracks, then I sure as hell can have a ferret!
Wife: Besides, do you have any idea how fun it is trying to smuggle a smelly, squeaking animal out of an apartment right past the chain-smoking landlord? Getting the damn thing to the vet is even funner!

–Penn Station

Posted on March 21, 2008
Animals & Nature, Couples, Crime and Punishment, Default, Guys, Old People, Penn Station, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Gonna Buy You a Mocking Bird

Girl on cell: … That basically means your mother’s a whore.

–WaMu Bank, Staten Island

Overheard by: staten’s most hated

Guy: My mom was yelling at me, and at that moment I became aware of my consciousness. I mean, I really became aware of my being! I was at the top of the stairs, just thinking about the universe. That’s when I knew I really existed.

–Westway Diner

Thug: I’m gonna smack my mother’s monkey!

–Union Square

Overheard by: confabulation Nation

Employee on intercom: Yo’ mama, call extension 319*. Yo’ mama, 319.

–TJ Maxx, 6th Ave

Punk rocker to punk girlfriend: My mother knows what you are.

–11th & 1st

Young boy skipping by elevators, singing: Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back… [Begins stomping] Take that, mother! And that, mother! And that, mother…!

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: SBS

Posted on March 19, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Coworkers, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Museum of Natural History, Office, On Cell, Philosophy, Punch, Punks, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island, Store, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Fears about The Chronicles of Narnia Brainwashing People into Christianity Appear Not to Have Materialized

Man: That was pretty good.
Woman: Yeah, it reminded me of that movie with the White Witch.
Man: 101 Dalmatians?
Woman: Right.

–Loews Theatre

Posted on March 18, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Couples, Default, Movie Theaters, Movies, Stupidity

Here, We’ll Use It in a Sentence: Her Eyes Were Slanted Sloppily

HS boy: Well, I tend to write more sloppily.
Asian girlfriend: ‘Sloppily’?! Is that even a word?
HS boy: It’s an adverb.
Asian girlfriend: Yes, but I said, is that even a word?

–1 train

Overheard by: Trying not to laugh outloud

Posted on March 18, 2008
Asians, Couples, Default, On the Subway, Stupidity, Words

Couples